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  • The Jungle Book

    The Jungle Book

    ★½

    On vacation, so I'm gonna be quick:

    1. Jon Favreau is the new Robert Zemeckis and The Jungle Book is his Who Framed Roger Rabbit

    2. …Is something I would say if I thought The Jungle Book was even remotely interesting as anything other than an example of how most major studios have stopped viewing CGI as a vital tool of effective storytelling and instead see it as the story itself.

    3. The uncanny valley sure is a bitch, ain't…

  • Encounters of the Spooky Kind

    Encounters of the Spooky Kind

    ★★★½

    Perhaps the best zombie occult prison-break haunted house political corruption slapstick kung fu sex farce horror comedy with exploding chickens I've seen this week.

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  • Kingsman: The Secret Service

    Kingsman: The Secret Service

    ½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    For almost a week now I’ve been mulling over Kingsman: The Secret Service, trying to figure out the source for my ire towards Matthew Vaughn’s over-the-top spy-movie satire. Of course, with the film's misogyny, its derivativeness of smarter, better films, or its subtle racism, there's plenty of fodder for vitriol. But all of these flaws, while unfortunate, are nothing new or shocking, rather serving as further examples of the increasingly repetitive nature of all these goddamn comic book movies constantly…

  • Hidden Figures

    Hidden Figures

    ★★½

    [NOTE: So this write-up turned into the longest thing I've written for Letterboxd yet—longer even than my goddamned Stalker review—which is probably the only reason I'm actually putting it on the site. It's problematic, likely guilty of whitesplaining and mansplaining, and really doesn't give a fair shake to Hidden Figures or its adherents. But, seeing as only about five people actually read my stuff, and three of them will no doubt see this review's length and give it a hearty…