• Final Destination

    Final Destination

    I’ll see you soon. 

    simply one of the greatest horror films of the 00s

    If you had to ask me what my favorite horror franchise is, I’d say Friday the 13th. But this is a close second. Just the ultimate Doug-core, a nervous, frantic movie about always being afraid of what could possibly go wrong. Exceptional horror, one of the shining franchises of the genre. There’s nothing like it on earth. An eternal favorite.

  • An American Carol

    An American Carol

    ENJOY YOUR PRIVACY RIGHTS IN HELL!

    -dr frasier crane with a bad dye job

    The first mistake these fucking boneheads made was not just making a “Michael Malone” mockumentary. The second mistake was everything else. This is truly rough shit, made even tougher by the fact that Zucker’s inherent knowledge of how to set-up, direct, and payoff basely humorous comedy is basically intact, but it’s in service of some of the most belabored, truly smug humor possible. The prints for…

  • Magnolia

    Magnolia

    On 35mm. (with the Licorice Pizza trailer-TWICE!)

    Come off it, I'm the prophet, the professor, I'ma teach you about the Worm/Who eventually turned to catch wreck with the neck of a long-time oppressor/And he's runnin from the devil, but the debt is always gaining, and if he's worth being hurt, he's worth bringin pain in/When the sunshine don't work, the good Lord bring the rain in. 

    we met upon the level and we parted on the square

    This movie used…

  • Monster House

    Monster House

    I don't wanna steal drugs from my father, I don't wanna go inside a monster, and I don't wanna die!

    already one of the most pleasant surprises of the month

    I hadn’t seen this since the end of its initial run in theaters. I remember seeing a ratty, well-worn 35mm print at my neighborhood theatre with my brother, and having quite a lot of fun with it, compounded by renting the film’s tie-in game from the Game Crazy in town…

  • Angst

    Angst

    AAAAAAAAAAAAARGH

    what can i say but good lord

    I always like to start October by scaring the hell out of myself. There are few faster ways to do that than with a viewing of Gerald Kargl’s Angst, a film so depraved, so disorienting, so deeply disturbing, that it’s close to intoxicating. Following a day in the life of a killer in graphic detail, Kargl knew that restraint would be of no use, instead electing to have the camera swoop around,…

  • The Death of David Cronenberg

    The Death of David Cronenberg

    Was the corpse made for this? Or did he just have it lying around? Much to think about.

  • Tropical Cop Tales

    Tropical Cop Tales

    INTIMIDATION MODE HAS BEEN ACTIVATED IN MY CEREBELLUM!

    OH! IT IS THE REVIEW OF TROPICAL COP TALES

    YOU WILL NOTICE I’VE BEEN REVIEWING QUITE A BIT OF THE [ADULT SWIM] CATALOG LATELY! THIS IS NO COINCIDENCE! I’VE BEEN HAVING MY OWN LITTLE RETROSPECTIVE OF SORTS TO CELEBRATE THE TWENTIETH ANNIVERSARY OF THIS DEELUSHUS PROGRAMMING BLOCK THAT HAS FORMED THE STURDY YET CHEAP BEDROCK FOR MY SENSE OF HUMOR! ALSO NOTICE, THAT I AM WRITING MY REVIEW OF THIS PROGRAM IN…

  • Malignant

    Malignant

    Don’t…try it.

    in dreams you’re mine
    all of the time

    At times it’s easy to see where Malignant is going, too easy at times. But thank the lord James Wan still has a few tricks up his sleeve, so many that after a while, I truly was blindsided by this, possibly the riskiest film by a mega-budget studio director in a while. In contrast to the restrained yet formally rapturous Old’s ingenious use of the bare necessities, Malignant has nothing but…

  • Bad Ben

    Bad Ben

    This is IT. 

    this certainly is for the studio found footage boom

    Haven’t watched a found footage film a while-I think not since a Fires on the Plain/Cannibal Holocaust double at my old apartment with friends, but there was a time where I found this genre one of the most frightening. Of course it was when I was very young, but I’m saying this because Nigel Bach’s Bad Ben immediately has more verisimilitude than most of the studio system’s post-Cloverfield

  • The Begun of Tigtone

    The Begun of Tigtone

    Oh, hey Tigtone! What are you?

    I am…BEGUN!!!!!!!!

    murderhobos 4ever

    For those who think they’ve seen everything new under the sun, Tigtone is a refreshing bolt from the blue of gory, ugly yet strangely beautiful mayhem. With the series’ untimely cancellation being announced yesterday, I figured it’d be a good day to recommend what I think is one of the most vastly undervalued shows in the [adult swim] catalog. Tigtone follows the quests of just that, Tigtone, an unstoppable engine of destruction…

  • Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters

    Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters

    If this machine falls into the wrong abs…the world as you know it will become a world as you’ve never imagined it starring Chow Yun-Fat.

    never gets old

    I’ve watched Aqua Teen Hunger Force (Colon Show For Television) in its entirety four times going on five. It’s an incredible work of art to me, something that has complete disregard for any narrative momentum or the idea of a setpiece. It’s also a testament to the power of limitations. Every episode…

  • Body Snatchers

    Body Snatchers

    …my mommy’s dead.

    this is the first ferrara i’ve seen and goddamnit i have nobody to blame but myself for sleeping on this crazy mf

    I spend a lot of time thinking about movies I’d like to remake. Some of my favorite films of all time (The Ring, The Fly, The Thing, 12 Monkeys, etc.) are remakes. Sometimes I feel guilty about it because some part of me still sees the remake as an act, unconscious or not, of replacement. Appropriate,…