Favorite films

  • Starship Troopers
  • Die Hard
  • Dazed and Confused
  • No Country for Old Men

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  • Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness

    ★★★

  • The Man From Toronto

  • Bad Boys

    ★★★★

  • Die Hard

    ★★★★★

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  • Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness

    Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness

    ★★★

    Another competently mediocre example of MCU plug-n-play. Raimi does his best to add some visual punch and meta-schlock but his distinct auteur flair is sadly kept on a short leash. Throw in some (admittedly fun) cameos and a bunch of bad wigs, and this milquetoast multiverse romp is more middling than maddening.

  • The Man From Toronto

    The Man From Toronto

    I mean, sure, most signs seem to indicate that this *points aimlessly to the general fuckedness of everything* is The Darkest Timeline. However, counterpoint: director Patrick Hughes was, at one point in time, tasked with helming the truly cursed reboot of The Raid for subtitle-averse Western audiences. So yeah, there's that.

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  • The Legend of Tarzan

    The Legend of Tarzan

    Imagine spending $180 million on adapting one of the most iconic (and yes, inherently problematic) characters for modern live-action cinema, and having the end product look about as composed and polished as a student film exported from Windows Movie Maker. Straight-up, howling monkey business.

  • Morbius

    Morbius

    Take a shot of someone else's blood every time a character says "Doctor Michael Morbius" in full, and you'll be able to suck in your cheeks like a goofily villainous Matt Smith. The only thing more amusing than this aggressively dogshit film's now-immortalised legacy as Room-esque meme fodder, is the presumption that people would still be paying attention long enough for not one but two deliriously nonsensical end credits scenes. Morbin' time, indeed.

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  • A Cinderella Story

    A Cinderella Story

    ★★★

    *types out LOL on a mid-00s-era flip phone*

    Hilary Duff: "Laugh out loud."

    I C O N I C

  • The Fast and the Furious

    The Fast and the Furious

    ★★★

    Is there anything that more embodies that turn of the millenium, post-Y2K triumph of The Year of Our Lord 2001 than a bunch of steamy-eyed, muscle-bound rev-heads cruising around in suped-up Honda Civics, listening to Ja Rule, drinking Coronas and trying to get that all-time, life-changing score of DVD players?