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  • Deep Blue Sea

    Deep Blue Sea

    ★★★½

    "Deepest bluest my hat is like a shark's fin." - Ladies Love Cool James

    Perhaps the last great end credits rap? I kind of miss the days when rappers summarized tent pole blockbusters in slick tie-in music videos. If only Wonder Woman or Dunkirk dropped catchy rhymes once the lights came up in the theater!

    ANYWAY Deep Blue Sea moves faster than a bloodthirsty shark after LL Cool J's sassy bird! This deepest bluest rager features some amazing late '90s…

  • Magic

    Magic

    ★★★½

    Thanks to William Goldman and Richard "Spared No Expense" Attenborough for a surprisingly classy and tense thriller about a psycho with a puppet kink. Hopkins' burns up the screen as both a sweaty schizoid creep and a the voice of a foul mouthed doppelgänger dummy. I actually feared for his well-being at times. He really sold that red faced, screaming, clenched teeth mental anguish!

    Tony fighting the urge to thrust his hand inside a dummy is like me trying not to look at my phone for five minutes. The struggle is real, y'all.

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  • Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice

    Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Batman and Superman stop fighting because they both realize their moms are named Martha. That actually happens in this movie.

  • The New York Ripper

    The New York Ripper

    ★★★★

    Talk about a scuzz fest that made me want to scrub my eyeballs inside of a scalding shower to purify myself of razors through nipples, foot rape, Times Square live sex shows, and disembowelments. Fulci combines the hazy elliptical nightmare atmosphere of his Gates of Hell trilogy with the procedural cat and mouse slice'n'dicings of his earlier giallo to create a truly grotesque and otherworldy slasher set in the bowels of pre-Giuliani New York City. Some setpieces, like fleeing from…