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  • Idle Hands

    Idle Hands

    ★★

    I didn't expect this to be a stoner comedy? Those Hollyweird execs sure got their withered nubs on the PULSE of middle school America at the turn of the 2000s!

    Idle Hands also features a cameo from Tom DeLonge as a fast food cashier and The Offspring playing "I Wanna Be Sedated" (kill me) at a Halloween themed school dance, which is about as peak tween PTSD flashback as you can get! I knew better even then to shut "Pretty…

  • Can't Hardly Wait

    Can't Hardly Wait

    ★★

    After watching Jawbreaker in a theater earlier this week, I decided to fill in some late '90s teen blind spots and (maybe wrongheadedly) slide down a middle school wormhole where JNCOs, spiked hair, earth tones, dark makeup, suede jackets, sweaters with one stripe across the chest, open plaid button-ups, and goggles were IN.

    Booooooooy did this give me some awkward 11-year-old PTSD! I remember writing off Can't Hardly Wait and Varsity Blues and Idle Hands and all those teen movies…

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  • Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice

    Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Batman and Superman stop fighting because they both realize their moms are named Martha. That actually happens in this movie.

  • mother!

    mother!

    ★★½

    If I see another handheld shaky cam pinned behind a nervous woman as she tromps through a confined space, I'm gonna SCREAM.

    mother! (ugh that pretentious unnecessary lowercase and punctuation) feels like a acidic treatise on the dickhead self-absorbed artistes some naive hero worshippers fall for. Too bad there's a bunch of silly nonsense Biblical imagery of false idols and firstborns and bickering sons to make this movie seem DEEP, man. Gimme a break, Aronofsky. The whole movie plays like…