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  • Mortuary

    Mortuary

    ★★★½

    My favorite parts of Mortuary: the slow buildup of stalking and "who's there"s in the dark and airhead "teen" banter. A shadow of a killer clutching a bat and creeping along a pool patio. White people boogeying to rock music that sounds tinny and tired. Too bad the movie plateaus into predictability and stock thrills once the actual chase'n'kill begins. I'd SLAY for a modern slow cinema distillation of the Slasher Movie. Teen bodies wandering through wood paneled suburban homes in chilly long shot, long takes. Some xtra stars for baby Bill Paxman playing a creep mortician who covers himself in pancake makeup, though.

  • Zëiram 2

    Zëiram 2

    ★★★★

    Loved the future punk junk shock of an anime brought to life with rubber suits and battle armor and kool models and dog-eating aliens and SUPREME early '90s CGI that looks like it was made with Video Toaster and a loose understanding of how computers actually work. Zeiram 2 feels a li'l too long and saddled with some turgid dialogue to stretch the cartoon action to feature length. But all the future tech and rad monsters and superpowered space huntresses made me smile 'til the end. 2 fun!

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  • Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice

    Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Batman and Superman stop fighting because they both realize their moms are named Martha. That actually happens in this movie.

  • Showgirls

    Showgirls

    ★★★★½

    Paul Verhoeven's beautiful dark (misunderstood) twisted fantasy about the dehumanizing meat grinder of fame and fortune in the good ol' U.S. of A. Sure, wacky chimpanzees clamber over topless dressing rooms and a burlesque biddy cinches her waistline until her "titties pop" and any sexual contact looks like some alien approximation of humans grinding together like strange mixed up beasts, but maybe Verhoeven and Nomi and us sad sacks NEED to laugh to live through the cruel reality of just…