• Hugo

    Hugo

    Movies by Marty

    Marty, what are you doin’ to me here, man? You’ve made some of my favorite films ever, then you do this weird, boring jerk-off about how great movies are and how we should all show filmmakers that we love and appreciate them so they don’t feel sad.

    This story has some life and charm to it, but the film’s telling of it falls short for one central reason: pacing. Interminable, molasses-like pacing.

    Moreover, the subject keeps changing.…

  • Vacation

    Vacation

    Man, I try to respect everyone's opinions and whatnot, but the LB ratings on this movie are insanely wrong and stupid. This movie is so much funnier than a re-hash of National Lampoon's Vacation has any right to be, and it's a rare comedy that has human elements this strong.

    Ed Helms plays a grown-up Rusty Griswold, who, like his father before him, works a thankless job and seeks solace through his dysfunctional family. Helms is funny enough in his…

  • The Northman

    The Northman

    Nobody was more excited for a new Robert Eggers movie than me, but this sucks. It just sucks. Not dramatic, not exciting, not funny, just boring. It looks a lot better than most movies, but it still sucks.

    It's also just Hamlet.

    I will never be happy again.

  • Sunset Boulevard

    Sunset Boulevard

    ★★★★½

    This is one of those classic films I've been meaning to watch forever, and I'm so glad I finally got around to it. First and foremost, Gloria Swanson is absolutely harrowing as Norma Desmond, the aging film star desperately clinging to fame while the world leaves her behind. Clearly, her background in silent films gave her the chops to be simultaneously melodramatic, histrionic, and sinister. You can't help but feel sorry for her, even though she's fabulously wealthy and scary…

  • Ghostbusters: Afterlife

    Ghostbusters: Afterlife

    ★★★

    I was expecting to write a curmudgeonly review that I wouldn’t end up posting because no one cares if some old stunad thinks movies are bad now. But damn, I am genuinely surprised by how much I enjoyed this.

    The first act set up a new cast of likeable characters in a new setting. It was decently funny, and there was plenty of charm to go around—the perfect opportunity to do a new story with an original villain and a…

  • BASEketball

    BASEketball

    ★★★★½

    Beloved 90s Comedies

    I’m not gonna sit here and pretend I don’t think this stupid nonsense is hilarious, because I do.

  • X

    X

    ★★★★

    Damn, this was a blast and a half. Some great self-referential jokes, a strong premise and theme, and supremely creepy horror.

  • Blow-Up

    Blow-Up

    This was a frustrating watch at first because it was so slow and seemed to be repeating the same point over and over. I'm not sure the climax and ending fully warranted all this wasted time, but they certainly drove away all of my suspicions that this might be a hollow shell that everyone seems to like because it's old.

    No. As Roger Ebert so artfully puts it, "The film is about a character mired in ennui and distaste, who…

  • Ronin

    Ronin

    Super fun action with a twisting plot that's easy to enjoy if you don't think about it too much.

  • Blind

    Blind

    A strange, moody film with an unusual premise that I don’t want to spoil. I was highly engaged until the story veered off in a direction that I didn’t find particularly interesting. It very much feels like a case of a screenwriter losing their train of thought mid-script and coming up with a wholly different idea for the second half. It’s not incoherent by any means, but much of what seems to be set up in the beginning turns out not to be relevant, which left me wanting. Points for vibes, though.

  • Long Shot

    Long Shot

    I was very much not predicting that this would start with Seth Rogen at a neo-Nazi party, but it was a surprisingly funny beginning to a movie I didn’t expect much from. It was all downhill from there.

    This is the rare movie that is completely destroyed by its score. Whoever made these musical choices does not understand mood or tone in the slightest, and they utterly ruined scene after scene. I never wish for someone to lose their job,…

  • Benedetta

    Benedetta

    Ver-WHO-ven? (Paul Verhoeven Ranked)

    With a lot of scattered and conflicting assessments flying around, I wasn’t quite sure what to think going into this. What’s interesting to me is how much digital ink has been spilt about the hot nun-on-nun action when the film’s central theme seems to be dealing with faith, revelation, and blasphemy.

    When Sister Benedetta Carlini (Virginie Efira), a nun since she was a young girl, begins having visions of The Christ, her convent is divided as…