Jake

Too much time on my hands.

Favorite films

  • The Thing
  • Mandy
  • Midsommar
  • Uncut Gems

Recent activity

All
  • Black Sabbath

    ★★★★½

  • Big Trouble in Little China

    ★★★★½

  • Falling Down

    ★★★½

  • Swingers

    ★★★★

Recent reviews

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  • Black Sabbath

    Black Sabbath

    ★★★★½

    “…Spectres and vampires are everywhere…there might be one sitting next to you! Yes, they go to the movies too, I assure you.”

    This is a masterclass of horror anthologies, and I will never get tired of Bava’s approach to both lighting and set design; it’s fucking magic. Don’t get me wrong, as much as he is an aesthetic visionary, he’s also a giallo heavy hitter and deftly applies the use of tension and suspense in his films, but as far…

  • Big Trouble in Little China

    Big Trouble in Little China

    ★★★★½

    “It’s all in the reflexes.”

    Well this is easily the most insane movie I have ever seen in my entire life, and it doesn’t even try to not be insane lol I’m still dumbfounded at how Carpenter was even allowed to make this. I’m ashamed at how long it’s taken me to finally witness this masterpiece, and I’m in love with how care-free it is - he made the movie he wanted to make, and that was a movie starring Kurt…

Popular reviews

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  • Swingers

    Swingers

    ★★★★

    “The beautiful babies don’t work midnight to 6 on a Wednesday.”

    I avoided this movie for like 15 years because I thought it was gonna be this hokey Vegas rom-com but now I feel like an asshole because it is actually fucking hysterical. I worked at a used movie store for pretty close to a decade and I can’t even tell you how many times Swingers was traded in, and for like .25 cents, so that probably had something to do…

  • Ginger Snaps

    Ginger Snaps

    ★★★★½

    “Wrists are for girls. I’m slitting my throat.”

    I can’t even express how happy it made me to see a horror film from 2000 where the gore and monster makeup were exclusively practical effects and prosthetics. No CGI!! In the year 2000!! That feat alone is worth 5 stars imo but let’s not get carried away here. I’m mortified it has taken me this long to finally catch a glimpse at Ginger Snaps - not only am I a horror…