• Sleepaway Camp

    Sleepaway Camp

    1 star for the last shot, another for the crop tops and foul language.

  • Cape Fear

    Cape Fear


    Watching this movie brought to the front of my mind what a master Scorsese is. He's able to go from completely over-the-top to quiet, still, unbearably uncomfortable tension in the same movie—and excel at both! The same goes for De Niro, who doesn't miss a beat throughout.

  • Knock Knock

    Knock Knock

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Death? Death? You're gonna kill me? You're gonna fucking kill me! Why? Why! Because I fucked you? You fucked me! You fucked me! You came to my house! You came to me! I got you a car, I brought you your clothes, you took a fucking bubble bath! You wanted it! You wanted it! You came on to me! What was I supposed to do? You sucked my cock, you both fucking sucked my cock! It was free pizza! Free…

  • The Rocky Horror Picture Show

    The Rocky Horror Picture Show


    Happiness is a midnight screening of this movie.

  • The Visit

    The Visit


    Well, damn, M. Night Shyamalan, where's this good movie been hiding all these years? Did you know you could make a good one still? Were you toying with us? Is this the ultimate Shyamalanian twist?

  • The People Under the Stairs

    The People Under the Stairs


    A young plucky type goes on an adventure with a noble purpose, befriends unlikely weird characters, defeats the bad guys. I mean, I could be describing THE GOONIES. There's a lot of that spirit here.

    Except… oh, the bad guys—Big Ed and Nadine from Twin Peaks! Wes Craven must've been a fan, right?—are actually an incestuous, child-napping, racist couple. The husband often dons a gimp suit and hunts people with a shotgun. And there are people (under the stairs, obviously).

    How it all fits together, how someone even thought this could work, I have no idea. Bless you, Wes Craven, it mostly does.

  • The Happening

    The Happening

    People trying to run away from wind.

    Ominous music over shots of nature, of wind rustling through plants.

    People committing suicide for shock value, over and over and over again. Even the movie seems to make fun of itself—a person starts a lawnmower and lays in its path, another is dismembered by lions in view of a crowd of people. Incidentally, why are those people, close enough to film the death in all its gory detail, unaffected by the neurotoxin?…

  • The Killing Fields

    The Killing Fields


    Like watching horrible, terrible history unfolding. The scenes at both embassies, in particular, have this uncanny feeling, this sense of unease that must have been felt at that time. Someone playing the piano while outside guards with machines smash cars and take whole families away. Trying to escape the country while escape is still possible. Also, Haing S. Ngor won Best Actor in a Supporting Role because…hell if I know, but make no mistake, this is his movie, through and through. Remember, the guy lived through this, through things too terrible to put to film.

  • The Devil's Advocate

    The Devil's Advocate


    Like Roman Polanski's Apartment trilogy if you replaced most of the atmosphere and creepiness with Al Pacino monologues and barely interesting courtroom proceedings. But those last 30 minutes are quite something. Not good, just… quite something.

  • The Birth of a Nation

    The Birth of a Nation


    Oh boy.

    I’ll defer to the words of Roger Ebert, who wrote the following in his four star review:

    “To understand ‘The Birth of a Nation’ we must first understand the difference between what we bring to the film, and what the film brings to us. All serious moviegoers must sooner or later arrive at a point where they see a film for what it is, and not simply for what they feel about it. ‘The Birth of a Nation’…

  • Blade Runner

    Blade Runner


    Watched the 2007 "Final Cut".