Peaceful Stoner’s review published on Letterboxd:
My Mother was and is the most important part of my life. But, a year ago I fell in love with a girl. She loved me with all her heart. Then, she left me. My heart was broken, bleeding. I was blinded. Blinded from all the wonders of the world. I was losing touch with all the happiness around me. I felt severe guilt when I accidentally smiled. I thought it was fate, that such sufferance should befall me. I underwent a severe phase of depression. I contemplated suicide. I could not do the things that I love. I could not get the person I loved. My Mother wanted me to be my old happy self again. She wanted me to smile whole heartedly. She wanted me to leave thoughts of her in the past. I started to do things that I hated. I started to hurt my Mother by telling her that I wanted to end my life. And things she told me still resonate deeply in my ears.
“You are a part of me. You are my flesh, my blood, my all. You are the reason of my existence. You are my hope. You are my future. If you are hurt, even in a small way, the pain I feel is unexplainable, unimaginable. Imagine the pain that I would feel if I lost you forever.”
I developed a likening to grass. It relieved me of my pain. Whether it taught me about this world or it gave me time and the blood flow to my brain to make me think and understand this world better, I cannot say for sure. But one thing it sure as heavens did, was make me understand, the love that my Mother had for me was greater than anything that I could ever wish for or get in this world. It made me see how my Mother would look, cry and wish for her death, if she comes to know of her son’s death. It actually made me see. I decided, I would never think of parting with my mother ever again. I realized that the pain I would feel if she left me is nothing, when compared to the pain that she would experience if I left her. I pray to God that I must not die before she does. I pray to God, each day, I must spare her of that insufferable pain. I love my Mother. But that can never equal the love that she has for me.
God does not answer all human beings’ questions about their tragic events. He answers only those sincerest and most honest questions. What emotion is more powerful than the sorrow of a Mother losing her child? None. Her angst makes God wake up from his eternal slumber.
I created the universe. I created all life that inhabits the universe. I created dinosaurs. They too cared for their loved ones. He shows Mother, a dinosaur caring for another injured one, patting her. But they were wiped out. Did they do anything wrong? No. Did they have to die? No. But then, had they not been extinct could you humans have lived like this? I gave birth to you. I nurtured you. I gave you a gift that none of my creations received. The power to think and act on your own, decide, rationalize, empathize, sympathize and most of all, the power to create your own world. But what have you done with all those powers? You kill, murder, cheat, deceive, lie and hurt your own kind and the beautiful place that I gave you to live in, with all your jealousy and greed. I gave you the powers of regeneration and what do you use it for? You rape and molest your own kind. I gave you the freedom of thought and what do you use it for? To create weapons and feed on your own brothers and sisters and turn a cannibal with untamed powers. Your acts make me regret my decision. I thought I was not right to my conscience had I denied you your freedom of thought. I acted according to my conscience. Now I expect and order you to act according to your conscience and tell me truly that you have not hurt a single living thing in any way before you expect an answer out of me.
Mother says “Help each other. Love every one, every leaf, every ray of light. Forgive. This is the way I have lived.” God knows the truth. God knows how his son has been, how she has been. God knows. He replies. Humans are capable of almost anything. But it is impossible to change the nature ingrained in them. It is in such circumstances that I begin to get confused whether the love that you humans share is a boon or a bane. Be contented with the thought that everything that happened, happens and is to happen, is for a reason and everything is connected in the tree of life. And Death is Salvation.
We can view the world in two ways. Whatever we do, achieve, desire, acquire or lose in this world, would not affect the way the universe proceeds into its future. Or, the universe has stumbled, crossed so many barriers and so many catastrophes to that one nanosecond when we were born. You and your life are as significant as the entire world is.
The person who believes in the first kind lives by the way of nature. He is not essentially an atheist. He respects a supreme power called God but does not believe he is responsible for everything going on this world. He knows the twisted paths of men. He knows how the world works. He is strict, stern, a disciplinarian, expects respect, earns love, teaches his children ways to keep themselves afloat in this terrible storm of a world. He might seem severely harsh at times. But he is alone waging a war for his family and terribly anxious about his children’s future. He has no support. He is a lone warrior and sometimes his frustration gives vent to anger, which he spews on the very things he is trying to protect and bring up. He is not to be disliked or insulted or hated. He is to be appreciated for what he does. He is strong, brave; willing to face what nature throws at him. He bottles up his emotions even though they have accumulated to the point of poisoning him. He is careful that his sorrow should not affect his wife and that he must be supportive to her. He is the symbol of the human race and its solidity. He is The Father.
The person who believes in the latter is the one who follows the way of grace. She accepts what God offers her. She is discontent, dissatisfied and angry at God, but only for a little while. She realizes, that she might not be as pure as she thinks. She might have intentionally or unintentionally hurt some living being on earth. Be it an ant which gorged on her food, a mosquito which bit her, a chicken that she had for dinner. She realizes that God sees all these creatures the same way as He sees her. She accepts God’s decision of taking her son away. She agrees with tears. If this is the way I have to repay my sins so be it. I will be happy that my son is now with you. I am happy for what you gave me and I will always be grateful. She knows that the only way to be happy is to love. Love everything in this world including God Himself. Love him the same way He does you. She understands, unless we love our lives will flash by. She is The Mother.
Anything which can change a God’s creation must be the work of God Himself. If this is true, then The Tree of Life is a work of God. This is the meaning of Malick’s life. This is His reason for being born. This is His reason of existence. Terming this as a masterpiece would be derogatory. This is a divine work. A divine experience. The way it was shown, with all its fantastical and brilliant imagery of astronomical expanses, the genesis of life with the soaring opera voices, was surreal, deeply affecting and life changing. I felt like I was seeing it through the eyes of God, their lives, through the eyes of their beloved dog, that I was their conscience walking, talking, peeping, and watching their lives up close and personal. I felt I was there in that moment. I felt the pain tearing through her, the reverberation of her shocking scream. I could feel the touch of the new born toes. I could feel the emotions surge through my veins. The images and The music brought out the orgasm of all my human emotions which resulted in the uncontrollable flow of tears for most part of the experience.
If you ask me after my heavenly experience, whether God exists or not,
The atheist in me would reply Nature is God.
The theist in me would reply Nature is God’s.
And somewhere in there, would be a film lover and a music lover who would be jumping around singing Terrence Malick and Alexandre Desplat are Gods.
PS, If there is a God I think he sent down two angels, Lise and Shanderson to deliver this to me. And if there is no God I take it as nature and chance being kind to me. I am unable to decide. Only time will tell what I die believing in.