• Prometheus



    A team of scientists travel to space to investigate a network of vast plot-holes.

    Garbage. But very pretty garbage. The characters are terrible, parts of the story break-off, go nowhere or make so little sense that they would make even Christopher Nolan blush. I don't even understand why Michael Fassbender is getting so much praise for this film - he plays the most clichéd robot I've seen in years.

  • Haywire



    Gina Carano is excellent, as are the fight and chase scenes, but everything else falls flat. Definitely a case of style over substance.

  • The Proposal

    The Proposal

    The second film I've watched this week about the contrived, comedic problems of affluent people. Sigh.

  • Dan in Real Life

    Dan in Real Life

    The whitest family in the world get together and tackle their banal first-world problems. Occasional a chirpy, quirky trombone soundtrack pipes in. Just awful.

  • Rushmore


    Am I the only one who finds Wes Anderson's 'quirkiness' horribly nauseating?

  • Dead & Buried

    Dead & Buried


    A bit like an episode of 'Tales From The Crypt' stretched out over two hours. Nice, easy-going bit of horror. The final twist didn't make much sense though.

  • The Incredible Hulk

    The Incredible Hulk


    Everything is fine with this film until a bleeding-heart Liv Tyler shows up and seems to throw all the other actors off their performances. The comedy during the second act falls massively flat, but then Hulk turns up and starts smashing things, which is awesome. Personally, I think they should have kept it as a chase movie. It's not the best of the Avengers bunch.

  • Conan the Barbarian

    Conan the Barbarian

    A dull man with a big sword and an evil man with a nauseous ponytail try to out-stupid each other. And for a fantasy princess / nun, the female lead is like SOOO american, y'know? This is joyless paint-by-number film-making at it's finest.

  • The Jacket

    The Jacket

    If I'd had a gun when I first saw this, I would have happily put it in my mouth and made my peace with the world. No stars is still rather generous.

  • The Avengers

    The Avengers


    You've got to give it to a film that can pull off giving finely balanced screen time to seven leads and one villain. Not flawless by any means, but pure fun all the way. As a massive Marvel fan since I was old enough to read, this was definitely worth the wait.

  • The Cabin in the Woods

    The Cabin in the Woods


    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Best film I've seen so far this year. Hands down.
    Every review I've read of this complains of the film not being scary. I'd agree, but that's really not the point. They had to market this under the horror banner, but the story is typical of Whedon's genre-blurring anyway, which some people (called idiots) can't seem to ever get behind.
    The big name cameo at the end didn't really do it for me though.. it kind of pulled me out…

  • The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

    The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

    Daniel Craig (playing himself) occasionally wears glasses and teams up with 2010's gothic poster child for public misconceptions of autism to investigate a crime that, when you look at it, should have been solved decades ago.
    What could have been an engaging investigation is whittled down to a badly paced succession of lucky breaks that turns both the leads into fucking idiots.
    The bad guy kindly telegraphs in early to let us know who they are, which is nice. Then…