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  • I'm in Love with a Church Girl

    I'm in Love with a Church Girl

    ½

    There is a massive DEA manhunt for Ja Rule's character and he's afraid to go to church because he says he's done all these terrible things, but these movies are too squeamish to depict anything remotely sinful. I feel like it would be hard for this movie to really reach anyone out there who think they're bad and unworthy of God's love. That's one of many bad things about it. It was also ridiculously long for what it was.

  • The Phantom of the Opera at the Royal Albert Hall

    The Phantom of the Opera at the Royal Albert Hall

    I gave this five stars because of the Dame Sir ALW appearance.

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  • The Room

    The Room

    Did the San Francisco Tourism Bureau finance the opening credit sequence? Why is a grown couple hanging out with a 14-year-old rando? Are they done having sex yet? Why is there a decorative shower in their bedroom? Do the gods know there’s a mortal named Mark with hair that luscious? Why is he surprised Lisa’s coming onto him when she called him “baby” over the phone earlier? Was the camera supposed to go out of focus? Wait, why are they…

  • Unedited Footage of a Bear

    Unedited Footage of a Bear

    ★★★★

    Do you like nature documentaries? Did you like Coherence? Can you barely function without your meds? Did you have kids but forget where you put them? Are you wearing two pairs of pants? Did you lose your yellow cardigan? Do you always read the fine print? Are you afraid to return Donna's calls? Have you been running for a really long time but you don't know where you are or how you got there? Did you slow down when you…