RSS feed for Phineas
  • Trouble with the Curve

    Trouble with the Curve

    ★★

    Should have just been called "Fuck You, Moneyball, Baseball is Magic"

  • Kong: Skull Island

    Kong: Skull Island

    ★★★★

    I am one of the only people alive who will admit to enjoying Peter Jackson's "King Kong". And the best part of that movie is all the giant monster mayhem that happens on the island previous to bringing Kong to New York. And this movie is basically that, minus a lot of Jacksonian pretension.

    But I can't understand how this movie isn't called Apocalypse Kong. That one was a gimme.

  • A Walk Among the Tombstones

    A Walk Among the Tombstones

    I sort of half watched this while drawing. Which is probably good because if I'd concentrated on this hateful mess I might have hurt myself. This is an utterly glum retread of the Taken tropes but with whatever energy and style that franchise had is stripped out and replaced with particularly hideous misogyny. There is literally not a female character in this movie who isn't there to serve as a merely mute object of hate and suffering. And the movie…

  • The Witch

    The Witch

    ★★★★

    If you chose to judge this movie by how well it does what it wanted to do, and not how much was it what you expected it to be, it's actually quite good. The inherent terror of being a Puritan at the mercy of nature and a capricious, unanswerable God comes across really well and made me feel quite terrible for everyone involved. But from all the complaining I've heard about this one, I think it suffered a lot from…

  • John Wick

    John Wick

    ★★★★★

    While still reserving the possibility of an overcoming triumph in John Wick 2, John Wick is the perfect version of the movie it is.

  • American Ultra

    American Ultra

    ★★

    Ok, I guess I can see what this movie wanted to do, but it did not really accomplish it. 'Jesse Eisenberg IS slacker Jason Bourne!' is an elevator pitch that should have been ordered off the elevator. But it saved Kristen Stewart from being the worst part of the movie, anyway. She has been working on new facial expressions, so I will not withhold credit for putting in that effort. Actually, Eisenberg isn't the worst part of the movie. The WORST part is that is has Walton Goggins in it and completely wastes him. Do not disrespect the Goggins where I can see it.

  • The Last Dragon

    The Last Dragon

    ★★★★½

    I'm pretty sure the last time I saw this movie was when I was in junior high, during one of the promotional free weeks HBO used to do. I thought it was great at the time, but was pretty sure that almost 30 years later there was no way it would hold up to my sophisticated aesthetic sense.

    SO WRONG. This movie is great. It is definitely a product of the middle 80s, and definitely reflects some of the views…

  • Anomalisa

    Anomalisa

    ★★★½

    Nobody can serve up the cinematic feel-bads better than Charlie Kaufman, and this one does not disappoint. The story seems a bit slight, especially compared to the weirdo ambition of a 'Being John Malkovitch' or the epic scale of 'Synechdoche, New York'. But still, something about the stop-motion animation seems to convey the way-more-bitter-than-sweet medicine well enough, and represents some weird ambition in its own way. (Full frontal male nudity in stop-motion form? Well, I can't say I know another…

  • Ghost Dog: The Way of the Samurai

    Ghost Dog: The Way of the Samurai

    ★★★★½

    This is probably my favorite Jarmusch movie. And such a strong performance from Forest Whittaker. Watching it this most recent time I realized it is, in its way, a movie a lot like John Wick (which I also love). A savage revenge film, but with a principled central character who can't be turned from his chosen path or its consequences. To be honest I'm not sure why I'm holding back that last half a star. I can't think of anything in this movie I want to be better or different.

  • Lemmy

    Lemmy

    ★★★★★

    I love Lemmy. If you love Lemmy, you will love this movie. If you do not love Lemmy watch this movie and you will. I liked this so much I'm almost not even mad they let Lars Ulrich talk in it a little.

  • Only Lovers Left Alive

    Only Lovers Left Alive

    ★★★★

    It's pretty nuts that this is the only movie Tilda Swinton has played a vampire in. No one was more born to play a vampire. Even if a sort of dissipated, louche vampire in a Jarmusch movie. If I'd been alive as long as these vampires, I'd be insanely bored as well, and a movie about me would be extremely hard to explain as to, like, what happens in it. But I'm sure I would have memorized the official scientific binomial of every plant and animal as well.

  • Lucy

    Lucy

    ★★★½

    Ok. If you just tell yourself that all the "science" in this movie is utterly absurd, you can just let go and let yourself enjoy it. Anything Morgan Freeman says about how brains operate is utter nonsense. But around that a really fun movie happens. Just accept that there is no real science represented here and have a good time. Do not believe that any of the assertions of this movie regarding neuroscience or anything else are true, or you…