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  • Heathers

    Heathers

    ★★★

    in a move that will surprise no one, i prefer the musical a whole ass bunch

  • Avengers: Infinity War

    Avengers: Infinity War

    ★★½

    You: marvel movies have no grasp on realism
    Me, watching the scene where Wanda and Vision are outside a  Scottish restaurant with a sign in the window that brazenly says WE WILL DEEP FRY YOUR KEBAB: liars you’re all liars every one

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  • Hacksaw Ridge

    Hacksaw Ridge

    ★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Forgive Me Lord, For I Have Sinned. Regrettably, I Howled Of Laughter When Andrew Garfield Had To Drag Vince Vaughn Around On The Battlefield On The Back Of A Bit Of Cloth Because His Legs No Longer Worked But Vince Was Still Sitting Up And Shooting The Shit Out Of People While Andrew Yanked Him Wildly Through The Mud I'm So Sorry Lord I Know War Is Bad And Mel Gibson Is The Devil But It Was So Funny

  • Shrek

    Shrek

    ★★★★

    wonder how leonard cohen feels knowing that for an entire generation the beautiful chords of "hallelujah" will just conjure up the mental image of two ogres pining for one another