Miami Connection

Miami Connection ★★★½

(ninja biker gang pulls up in the middle of Miami) 'Oh. Ninjas.'

What can I even say. If The Room was about a gaggle of international, super-positive best friends who are all orphaned taekwondo masters and college undergraduates in their mid-40s who moonlight as an amazing band that performs songs about taekwondo and being best friends and who also indiscriminately murder a lot of people without consequence, this would be that movie. Clearly, a single viewing can provide only the tiniest window into the wealth of riches this movie holds. The fight scenes and the songs all kinda shred, to be honest. The entire thing feels like a transmission from the brain of an alien whose exposure to earth culture is limited to episodes of G.I. Joe. Near the end, there's a guy very badly made up to look like an old man because they presumably couldn't find an actual old man anywhere in Miami.

Look, I don't know how many more unreserved seals of approval you need me to give this thing.

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