billy porter, this one star is all yours, okay?

i don’t know whose idea it was to put camila cabello on screen with a selection of broadway & west end regulars but it was certainly a piss poor one. this film is truly all over the place - bizarrely paced, shoddily shot & edited, reminiscent of hallmark christmas movies in all the wrong ways. i began to wonder if they realised how miscast camila was when they came to post production because she is barely in this film enough for her to be considered its protagonist. most glaringly in the first act as we come to spend just as much of the runtime getting to know her stepmother, step-sisters & this story’s colourful royal family as we do getting to know the titular character. including a piano playing backstory for idina menzel’s ‘evil’ stepmother, affirming to everyone watching that we have, in fact, exhausted every avenue a cinderella story can be told in.

billy porter’s fabulous godmother, despite featuring heavily in the promotional material for this film, is reduced to a 5 minute cameo. although it’s easily the best 5 minutes of the film, i’ll give him that. west end stars, beverly knight, fra free & luke latchman are equally as wasted in small roles, drawing all focus in their scenes just as billy, idina, minnie driver, charlotte spencer & maddie baillio do. it’s their performances that breathe life into this otherwise very dismal, ‘feminist’ retelling of cinderella that leaves so much to be desired. it misses the spot in every conceivable way.

save yourself the watch and rewatch... literally any of the other cinderella stories that’ve been put to film instead. brownie points if it’s ella enchanted, brandy’s cinderella, a cinderella story (2004), ever after or disney’s 2015 live action remake.

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