Favorite films

  • Alien
  • The Wages of Fear
  • Strangers on a Train
  • Dead & Buried

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  • The Ruins

    ★★★★

  • A Haunting in Venice

    ★★★★

  • The Car

    ★★★★

  • No One Will Save You

    ★★★½

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  • The Swarm

    The Swarm

    ★★

    Cherno-bee-l

    Can’t say I ever expected an Andromeda Strain rip-off that features invincible mutant hurricane-riding helicopter-and-train-and-nuclear-plant-exploding killer bees, an overly committed Michael Caine performance, Henry Fonda accidentally killing himself in the dumbest way possible, multiple giant bee hallucination scenes, unintentional racism via poor phrasing, a dramatic zoom in on a bee-covered lollipop, the most baffling final disclaimer in film history, and a child falling prey to something I can only describe as a “beelapse” to be this slow and boring, but hey, that’s the Irwin Allen touch for you. Nice Goldsmith score, though.

  • Friday the 13th Part III

    Friday the 13th Part III

    ★★★

    A COMPLETE LIST OF EVERYTHING THAT POPS OFF THE SCREEN IN FRIDAY THE 13TH, PART 3: 3D:

    1. laundry pole
    2. TV antenna
    3. snake
    4. meat cleaver
    5. plank of wood
    6. mouse
    7. metal pole
    8. baseball bat
    9. pointer finger
    10. marijuana
    11. human eyeball (not attached to head)
    12. hay bale
    13. wallet
    14. fist wrapped in chains
    15. yo-yo
    16. biker’s head (not severed)
    17. unidentified small metal object
    18. blunt end of a pitchfork…

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  • A Haunting in Venice

    A Haunting in Venice

    ★★★★

    Lays claim to one of the biggest quality turnarounds I’ve seen any series make in recent memory, pivoting out of the garish celebrity parade of Death on the Nile straight into a brooding, dialed-in 60s Eurohorror throwback that gives Branagh the perfect canvas for all the canted angles, Snorricam dollies, and chaotic visual decisions he can muster. Very much My Kind Of Thing, even if I can’t quite figure out what Tina Fey is doing here.

  • No One Will Save You

    No One Will Save You

    ★★★½

    Not sold on the final stretch here - this burns through three or four good endings on the way to one that’s way too Screenwriting 101 for my tastes - but this goes all in on old-school alien abduction imagery (UFOs! Greys! Crop circles!) in a way that instantly wins me over, and the moment-to-moment thrills of this are fun enough that I’m willing to forgive a rough landing. Once again, Disney continues to light their own money on fire by not giving their horror movies actual theatrical releases.

    Beyond Fest 2023, film 1 (IT COUNTS) of 16.

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