Army of the Dead

Army of the Dead ★★½

Fan: "OMG Zack! I'm so excited for your zombie movie!"
Zack Snyder: "Thanks! It's definitely the best zombie movie ever because I made it."
Fan: "Ever since I saw the zombie tiger in the trailer I knew I needed to see it. Can you tell me what happens with the tiger?"
Snyder: "I'll give you the details. So the heroes enter the zombie kingdom and what do they see? Zombie Tiger. He walks up to them and roars."
Fan: "Oh baby! Right off the bat we get some zombie tiger action!!! Woot woot! What does he do?"
Snyder: "He turns around and walks away."
Fan: "A zombie walks away from the humans?"
Snyder: "Yeah it's pretty badass. But don't worry, about 40 minutes later the zombie tiger returns."
Fan: "Oh yeah! Now we get to the awesome zombie tiger action!"
Snyder: "He walks past the camera and that's it."
Fan: "Oh... when do we get to the action?"
Snyder: "Oh that's next! In another 30 minutes we get to the zombies finally getting angry and they go to war. Zombie tiger roars and joins the other zombies in battle."
Fan: "Oh yes baby! Zombie tiger action! The trailer led up to this moment!"
Snyder: "But right before they enter the building, the tiger gets tired because being a zombie is a lot of work so we see him sit down and take a nap instead of fighting."
Fan: "What... the... fuck."
Snyder: "But later in the fight someone leaves the building and then we get... to the zombie tiger action."
Snyder: "For a total of one minute."
Fan: "And... that's it?! The coolest part of the trailer and it's like a bunch of teases? Well maybe the one minute is a big moment, how short is the movie?"
Snyder: "Oh it's 150 minutes."

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