God's Own Country

God's Own Country ★★★★★

So crying in my bed on a Thursday night may be a regular occurrence for me but tonight was different. Watching this subtly beautiful film filled me with such a comforting warmth that few films have given me.

I’m quite the mess. I’ve never had a boyfriend, the closest I’ve gotten was an extremly unhealthy and violent sexual realationship when I was 16, and of course my infinate obsession with a certain boy I’ve mentioned in other reviews. After that I didn’t really trust myself to make decisions in my own best interest about boys. My problem I think is that I feel too passionately. I get so infatuated with the person that they become almost like a drug that my body has grown dependent on.

This movie made me feel the same way that Beautiful Thing did. It made me remember how sweet and tender love is, even if it is painfull sometimes. After I watched that movie I made some short term solutions to a long term problem of mine and they did work for a while. But after this I realize that I need to make these changes for me. I can’t continue living my life in this safe, sad shell that I’ve built to protect myself from getting hurt. I need to change my bad habits and make myself more vulnrebale and hope that maybe I can finally fully accept and love myself for who I am.

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