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  • Hercules

    Hercules

    Hercules *throws a bear out of the galaxy and creates the Ursa Major*


    There's a show on German TV about the worst movies of all time and today's episode was about Hercules.
    I have no idea what the story was about or if there even was a story. It's a cringefest of bad costumes and even worse special effects, I have no words for them. The acting consists of nothing but confused or apathic faces, which ironically is exactly how…

  • Sunday School Musical

    Sunday School Musical

    "This is whack."

    Sunday School Musical tells the story of two competing church choirs which face a huge problem that only Zack, the boy who just switched schools, can solve.

    Yes, all the suffering from watching the High School Musical-Franchise led up to this gem of a movie. The story combined only the best of High School Musical and Pitch Perfect. Great music, breathtaking choreographies and incredible acting. There were so many good songs, I don't even remember one of…

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  • Phantom Thread

    Phantom Thread

    ★½

    "He wants you to fuck off."

    Wow, how unpleasant can a movie be.
    Phantom Thread is about the abusive and literally toxic relationship between Reynolds Woodcock and Alma.
    Reynolds is a fancy designer, his brand is called Woodcock. Yes, wooden cocks and everyone loves what he makes.

    I hated nearly every character. Reynolds is as hard as the wood for his cocks and Alma has a pretty hard cock, too. Metaphorically. Of course.
    He's narcissistic, short tempered, cold, distant and…

  • Satanic

    Satanic

    "Go suck the devil's cock, bitch!"

    Four idiots travel to LA to go Coachella, they are two days early so they do what everyone of us would do: stalk a shopowner who didn't kiss their customers asses.

    This movie is the "3 b's": bad, boring and bdumb. The characters were clichée af, after the first few pieces of dialoge I couldn't wait for them to die. They were flat, dumb and got on my nerves way too fast.
    The depiction…