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  • Die Another Day

    Die Another Day


    toward the beginning of the film, when Bond enters the Hong Kong hotel shaggy & shirtless, a nearby woman exclaims, "My goodness, standards have fallen!", which is exactly how i feel giving DIE ANOTHER DAY 3.5 stars in the year 2020. but what can i say? this is a movie where Pierce Brosnan smokes a cigar, sips a mojito, and admires Halle Berry's wet jugs while his chest hair hangs out of a Hawaiian shirt. it was made for me.

  • Strange Days

    Strange Days


    "Maybe you wanna be a girl? Hey... think of that. Be a girl."

    you are not whatever you were then, you are what you are now, so get up & fight the future, okay? i love you and Happy New Year.

  • The Nightingale

    The Nightingale


    "You did a racism. You did an imperialism. You did a nationalism. You did a xenophobia. You did a white fragility. You did a no growth. This makes it abundantly clear you don't even understand the intersectional nature of the multiplicity of your offenses." - Twitter user @TheVelvetDays - 11:45 AM - 2/4/19

    cf. MOHAWK (2017) dir. Ted Geoghegan

  • Dolemite Is My Name

    Dolemite Is My Name


    like if a really good cover band released a greatest hits album, but the film makes it clear Rudy Ray Moore lifted his entire act from the local homeless population and honed it into a stage show himself, so what's the difference anyway? the stories have to get passed on somehow. imagine something akin to THE DISASTER ARTIST except instead of an excusal for its star's own toxic behavior it's an uproariously funny ode to an overlooked innovator & a paean…

  • The Gangster, the Cop, the Devil

    The Gangster, the Cop, the Devil


    sample dialogue from THE GANGSTER, THE COP, THE DEVIL: "A gangster and cop join forces to catch the devil. This is interesting!" Not very good but Ma Dong-Seok (the best part of TRAIN TO BUSAN as well) looks like an absolute pimp and a motherfucking god in his powerful suits. kind of like if you crossed THE CHASER with NEW WORLD or something, maybe just check those out instead.

  • The Meyerowitz Stories (New and Selected)
  • Santa's Slay

    Santa's Slay


    at some point the game got flipped - instead of cheap movies being fun things that you could watch normally, they became dumb things you could watch ironically, and then they started baking the irony straight into the films, so how the hell are you supposed to have fun watching that normally? anyway i did laugh at the gag in this where the main kid tries to use an online tracker to find Santa but instead of NORAD the system is run by GONAD. otherwise this is really only entertaining when Goldberg is onscreen giving people Jackhammers and shit, which is all too intermittent.

  • The Silent Partner

    The Silent Partner


    Nasty little cat & mouse thriller written by the late Curtis Hanson (L.A. CONFIDENTIAL) about Elliot Gould as a lonely bank teller who sniffs out a heist and decides to pocket the cash for himself. shot entirely in Toronto, features Christopher Plummer wielding a gun in full Santa costume, and co-stars John Candy as a bank employee. Gould's character is clearly very smart - why of course he plays chess - but because he's an amateur ripoff artist, he simply cannot…

  • Dead Bang

    Dead Bang


    kinda feels like John Frankenheimer phoning it in (see instead: the comparably epic BLACK SUNDAY or unforgettable RONIN) but it's about Don Johnson as a loose cannon alcoholic police detective blowing away neo-Nazis so what's there to complain about? also stars Bob Balaban in an extremely icy Adidas tracksuit and William Forsythe way against type as an uptight fed rather than, shockingly, part of the Aryan Nation. Bond series genius Ken Adam did the production design but you can't really…

  • Uncut Gems

    Uncut Gems



    Howie Bling had it all man. the parlay, the dough, the girl of his dreams. happier in one moment than the rest will ever be in their past, present, or future. transcended time & space - the perfect high.

    didn't understand the joy of cosplaying until i abandoned my family on Christmas night to go see this in theaters while wearing an Adidas track jacket & $10 gold chain. hoop dreams, smash n grab, perfect d-flawless ownage.

  • Lethal Weapon

    Lethal Weapon


    Number one (friend) with a bullet. Obligatory Christmas Eve gift wrapping rewatch. Nothing puts me in the holiday spirit more than Riggs & Murtaugh learning that even love can become a lethal weapon.

  • Eyes Wide Shut

    Eyes Wide Shut


    you think you're rich and sexy and happy but really you're living on the tip of iceberg, right at the precipice of unknowability - just as there is a social strata above you that you will never fully attain, there is a mind inside your partner that you will never fully grasp. the falsity of Kubrick's New York street sets make it feel like the entirety of existence is a lie, and maybe it is. the only way to retain control is to give into sheer carnal desire and fuck.