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  • Hellboy

    Hellboy

    What the fuck happened? This is like a perfect microcosm of every sin of 90's and early 2000's comic and video game movies.

    One of the worst, most ill-fitting soundtracks in history? Check.
    Completely whiffing on what makes a protagonist likable? Check.
    Total lack of character arcs? Check.
    Hilariously incompetent writing? Check.
    Action scenes designed for "cool" ending up as a joke? Check.
    Terrible casting choices? Check. (David Harbour is really awful)
    Milla Jovovich? Check.

    Not sure what the thinking was here. Actually, this shares a lot of similarities with Kong: Skull Island, although that movie is ever so marginally better.

  • Godzilla: King of the Monsters

    Godzilla: King of the Monsters

    ★★★½

    Deeply stupid and relentlessly cool at the same time. More a series of cool shots and fights rather than an engaging narrative, but that's okay because that's the best to hope for from Western Zilla movies.

    There are elements that I forgive in Godzilla movies that I don't typically give other movies, like nonsensical or pointless human plots, because it facilitates my Kaiju desires. I will say some of the action was a bit confusing at times in a way…

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  • Sucker Punch

    Sucker Punch

    ★★★★★

    Literally the greatest movie of all time that changed cinema forever.

  • Godzilla vs. King Ghidorah

    Godzilla vs. King Ghidorah

    ★★★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    I refuse to actually offer any critiques here. The following is purely hyperbolic gushing.

    This movie is the pinnacle of wacky Godzilla movies and it's peak entertainment. Time travel, Terminator rip-off, rewriting the entirety of Godzilla mythos, green-haired baby fairy creatures called dorats turning into King Ghidorah, teleportation, jet packs, future people from the 23rd century stealing time machines to prevent Japan from dominating the world in the future (Japan was literally BUYING CONTINENTS in the future), vaguely homosexual American…