• Draft Day

    Draft Day


    The NFL’s big juicy wet kiss to itself, Draft Day presents a convoluted day-in-the-life of an NFL team GM desperately trying to un-fuck himself from a series of fantastical life-events all occurring within a 12-hour time frame. 

    Makes me wonder how everyone ends up looking good except for the unreliable QB character and the Seattle Seahawks. They each deserved what they got in the end, but it’s hilarious that one of those two was a fictional entity.

  • The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent

    The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent


    Little did I know that I had begrudgingly just watched Gormican’s last film a few days before (That Awkward Moment). 

    This was a fun meta concept buried under a simply stupid story. It was enjoyable enough, but it left a lot of possibility on the table. 

    And the editing was gawd-awful. It’s rare I notice bad editing in a film, but this was terrible. It actually left me unaware of certain characters possible demise. 

    I wonder if it will be another eight year before Gormican directs again. I wouldn’t be surprised, if so.

  • Rush



    What a rush!

    I really loved the idea of being challenged by the best, and what that brings out in competition. I loved Thor and Zemo going at it, the back and forth, and that final meeting of honesty. 

    It really is true: to be the best you have to beat the best.

  • That Awkward Moment

    That Awkward Moment


    Another Three’s Company-esque film whose entire plot fails if any character could just be honest for one second. I can imagine one of these douchebags pulling off the lies to their friends, but all three?? Get outta here…

    And yet, I still rooted for these dill-weeds in the end. Even at the expense of the hurt they caused the ones they loved, I’m a sucker for a happy ending.

  • Scanners



    What Stephen “Lack”s in acting skills he more than makes up for when he’s scanning. And he needed to, because Michael Ironside absolutely kills it in the scanner-emoting business. 

    And what is it about McGoohan’s speech pattern that just puts me into dream mode? When he speaks, you better listen!! Great voice and delivery. 

    Just a classic horror film.

  • The Hunger

    The Hunger


    Everything I expected it to be. Beautiful, mysterious, haunting, and poetic.

  • Wanted



    This is the entirety of this film, from a certain point of view: if WANTED was Star Wars.

    Obi-Wan: Let go your conscience self, and act on instinct.

    Luke: With the blast shield down, I can't even see. How am I supposed to fight?

    Obi-Wan: FUCK YOU <punch!><punch!><punch!><punch!><punch!><stab!><slice!><stab!><stab!>

    For the last 45 years, people have complained about Luke's 'whining" in Star Wars. Dial that whine up to 1,000,000 and you've got McAvoy with his chalkboard-scraping delivery. His awful attempt at…

  • Destination Wedding

    Destination Wedding


    See the image over there where they're smiling at each other. Holy shit talk about false advertising.

    Interesting enough, with a couple laughs sprinkled throughout. It's carried by my enjoyment of these actors from previous films, but I don't believe I would ever consciously watch another film by Victor Levin, the writer/director.

  • The Bad Guys

    The Bad Guys

    You're reading this, so you might as well bear with me:

    I want you to think back to that iconic scene that made Tom Cruise's M:I franchise famous. You know the scene. It's ingrained in your memory.

    Well this one does that same break-in/theft scene. You know the impossible task? The one that has that tiniest of chance to succeed, but they've planned for everything, and just when it all seems to be working, we're introduced to a single new…

  • Nope



    NOPE was really fun. A ton of mystery, and it wears its influences on its sleeve.

    All throughout this film I kept feeling that Close Encounters vibe. The wonder and awe that Close Encounters inspired in me as a kid were brought back here. The scope of the views at the ranch are spectacular, and reminded me of shots of Devil's Mountain. The wide-open expanse of the ranch really accentuated the appearance of "the cloud" and lets the audience see…

  • Clint Howard Reboots Pippi Longstocking with Milla Jovovich and Fred Willard

    Clint Howard Reboots Pippi Longstocking with Milla Jovovich and Fred Willard


    Only laugh was the surprise dumpster visit by Ed Begley Jr.

  • Alex's War

    Alex's War

    I can't help it: that cover art is disgusting.

    From the description of this, it seems like it could be a positive portrayal. I know I shouldn't judge a film before watching, but what I can judge is the despicable piece of human excrement at the center of this doc.

    "Alex's War." What a joke.

    "Alex's Scheme to Dupe and Make Money from Horrible Lies."