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  • Free Fire

    Free Fire



    if brie larson shot me i'd apologize for getting in the way of her bullets

  • Okja


    Eli Hayes


    Aside from a couple performances that could have used a bit more restraint, Okja is nearly perfect for what it is. The best of the four films that I've seen so far at Cannes '17. A story of sympathy disguised as spectacle; a tale of care and kindness for all animals, disguised as a creature feature. Political cinema at its most playfully profound.

  • Raw




    @hannibal lecter bitch you're done, you NEED to RETIRE

  • Logan






    "Stripped of its dusty, sunny images and the longing, exploitative glance of viscera, Logan Noir finds itself muting the very flourishes which define the R-Rating tattoo that the MPAA inked on and, in replacement, gains a sturdier grasp of its own character dynamics and implications, particularly in the art of violence. Black and white takes away the modern western colorization and its placement within a line of economically-centered masculine narratives (Hell or High Water, The Rover, Blood…

  • Star Wars: The Force Awakens

    Star Wars: The Force Awakens



    wonderful until han solo shows up, and then all i could think about was how sad he looked, so old and tired but still hanging out with the same people and wearing the same clothes and yearning for the same crappy old ship and the woman who's too good for him, and it's exactly like all those cool popular kids in highschool who skip class to smoke or w/e and then you run into them 20 years later and they're…

  • 24 Frames

    24 Frames

    Eli Hayes


    The art form stripped down to its most necessary functions: it's fitting that Abbas Kiarostami's final film, 24 Frames -- a stone cold masterpiece of the highest order and one of the greatest artistic achievements of the 21st century so far -- should be about extending the still image beyond its confines and exploring its elastic temporality through a cinematic perspective or, in other words, simultaneously resurrecting the dead and giving life to the merely "existent." Kiarostami's films, too, and…

  • The Beguiled

    The Beguiled

    Eli Hayes


    B O N A P P E T I T.

  • Drive




    I don't think I worded my original issues with this well when looking back on them. It was never a matter of Gosling (tho, I still find him too much of a pretty boy to be taken this seriously), it was a matter of expecting to be provoked when I should have expected to be invested.

    Granted, there is something underneath the neon and the violence, but it's not the main selling point nor what you should be searching for…

  • World War Z

    World War Z

    brat pitt


    me: i want brad pitt & fincher to collab again so bad
    brad & finch: we're teaming up to make world war z 2! :)
    me, a few weeks after the announcement, staring blankly at the wall after watching world war z (2013) for the very first time: i've won ..... but at what cost ....

  • Snatched


    Logan Kenny


  • Alien: Covenant

    Alien: Covenant



    I can't remember the last time I viewed a film this unpleasant.

    "Alien: Covenant" is just a bitter old man sitting in his directing chair ready to unleash an onslaught of violence and bleakness for the sake of saying "FUCK YOU" to everyone who wants some semblance of hope for themselves and or didn't care for his previous installment.

    Normally I'd find a piece like this fascinating in how actively it hates its characters and viewers, but it takes so…

  • Ocean's Eleven

    Ocean's Eleven

    brat pitt


    here's a list of food brad pitt eats in The Best Male Fantasy of All Time™ aka Ocean's Eleven (2001). please let me know if i missed anything -- it was very hard to keep track.

    -salad x 2
    -cotton candy
    -fruit cup 
    -assorted party snacks x 2
    -shrimp cocktail 
    -ice cream

    ps. tag yourself i'm the lollipop

  • Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales

    Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales

    Matt Singer


    Yo ho, yo ho, let’s retire this franchise forever.

    Full review at ScreenCrush.

  • Pitch Perfect 3

    Pitch Perfect 3

    🔥 anya 🔥

    no one asked for this

  • Wonder Woman

    Wonder Woman

    Austin Gorski


    After slumping a bit with Suicide Squad, the DC Extended Universe is right back on track with the first ever big-screen adaptation of Wonder Woman. The film, directed by Patty Jenkins, is one that I can totally see working with most audiences; it still carries a somewhat dark tone that the previous films had (it does take place during World War 1), but it's also a ton of fun. The inspirational flick has a lot of humor in it too,…

  • Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me

    Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me



    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    I think sheryl lee could break every bone in my body and it still wouldn't be as painful as watching laura palmer realize that her father had been molesting her for her entire life if i'm being perfectly fucking honest

  • Top of The Lake: China Girl

    Top of The Lake: China Girl



    Jane Campion’s “Top of the Lake: China Girl” is — among a seemingly infinite array of other things — a story about second chances. And while that theme is beautifully personified by any number of different characters during this six-hour miniseries, there’s a certain irony to the fact that this epic detective drama is built upon a foundation of redemption and regret. After all, Campion got it right the first time.

    Premiering at Sundance in 2013 and airing on SundanceTV…

  • X-Men: Apocalypse

    X-Men: Apocalypse

    brat pitt


    you know what ...... here's a review of the gag reel instead

    the high point: erik saying to charles, "i love your body." charles responding, "i love my body too. every tuesday night. and i think of you."
    the low point: there's straight up just a montage of j*nnifer l*wrence saying "lunch!"