you know the Manic Pixie Dream Girl, now get ready for . . . the Mormon Pixie Dream Girl

beef-fed BYU bohunk who looks like a very flattering self-portrait of chris kattan meets bohemian new york gal whose vices include "listening to the radio slightly too loudly" and "being quippy." they ride the world's shittiest ferris wheel, he converts her to mormonism, they marry and breed and she dies, having outlived her usefulness. and you better believe they get in…

this movie opens with peter o'toole giving supergirl a big orange vibrator and a fushigi, which she then uses to bring a giant dragonfly to life. the dragonfly smashes through the crepe-paper barrier separating the entire planet of krypton from the inky black void of the cosmos. the magical fushigi flies to earth and lands in a small dish of hollandaise sauce. things only get better from there.

the closest we've ever come to an american hausu. this has prominent…