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  • I Care a Lot

    I Care a Lot

    ★★

    Well, I'm glad Rosamund cared because I sure as shit didn't.

    Classic sell your soul to the devil for riches tale, done in a flash bang wallop way, that races to a stop midway through the second act when you realise that none of the (remaining) characters are even remotely interesting, redeemable or, ironically, worthy of your care.

    Supposed to be a sharp satirical shot at capitalism, it's more of a blunt laudation of cuntery.

  • Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves

    Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves

    ★★★½

    "To the trees!"

    One of my favourite things to shout when danger presents itself. When the loo roll runs out mid-sit down, for example.

    I often wonder whether it was added to the script on the first day of shooting, as they all realised Kevin Costner gave zero fucks about doing an English accent.

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  • Commando

    Commando

    ★★★

    I'd somehow forgotten almost everything about this movie and I've never been more glad about anything. It is ALL action and hilariousness ALL the time.

    No rounded characters, no character development and no real plot; just one convenient, ludicrous action scene after another.

    Oh, and Bennet. The ultimate, bizarre 90s bad guy. Hands down the best, worst villain of all time.

    Essentially, a tight 90mins of immense ridiculousness.

  • Minions

    Minions

    While wishing it to end well over half an hour before it did, I couldn't shake the unpleasant feeling that I might actually have seen it before, which made the whole experience all the more punishing.

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  • Mary and Max

    Mary and Max

    ★★★★

    Wonderfully weird and weirdly wonderful, it reminded me of My Life As A Courgette/Zucchini (another absolute must-see), which is similar thematically and equally funny, heartwarming and heartbreaking.

    They also share particularly distinct stop motion aesthetics, both of which are particularly endearing, although Mary and Max intentionally leans more toward the grotesque - a decision I embraced entirely and one that’s integral to its dark appeal.

    The voice performances by Toni Collette and the late, great Philip Seymour Hoffman are perfectly…

  • The Guest

    The Guest

    ★★★

    Hilarious. Both because it wants to be but also because it just can't help itself. It wastes zero time geting into it and doesn't let up from there, which is highly entertaining. Tonally, it's schlocky and retro as hell but all with unambiguous, hyper-styalised intent. Stevens leans into this hard, delivering a robo-psychotic performance worthy of a 90s Terminator film, which is an absolute delight to witness. His smooth operator purr/snarl is one stroke short of a aggro-vocal sadistic orgasm.…