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  • War for the Planet of the Apes

    War for the Planet of the Apes

    ★★★★½

    I cried during a fucking movie about talking apes.

  • Transformers: The Last Knight

    Transformers: The Last Knight

    ½

    A million robots designed specifically to suck dicks still couldn't suck the amount of dicks this movie sucks.
    This immature analogy was inspired by the immature mind of Michael "Sucks All The Dicks" Bay.

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  • Ghost in the Shell

    Ghost in the Shell

    ★★½

    Visually stunning but lifeless adaptation. Sociological and philosophical undertones have been reduced to spoon-feeding exposition. The pacing leaves you no time to think, something clearly they didn't want you to do.
    This film nails the aesthetics and tone of the original source and I would recommend a viewing on a purely visual standpoint.

  • The Mummy

    The Mummy

    ★★

    At least some of the mummy effects were cool.
    And I mean, the main Mummy was pretty cool I guess.
    And I guess Russell Crowe wasn't bad or whatever.