• Parasite



    It's only been 2 years, but it feels like this movie is somehow even more appropriate.

  • Tom Clancy's Without Remorse

    Tom Clancy's Without Remorse

    I played a game of chess while watching this movie and I lost because I ran out of time because I wasn't paying attention to the game.

    The most interesting thing about this movie is it tells the story of the guy who sets up the Rainbow unit!?!? I had no idea going in that was what this was.

  • The Tomorrow War

    The Tomorrow War


    This is a good, fun movie where aliens do some stuff and then humans eventually win!

    The joke's on you if you actually try to review this as "cinema" or "having writers" because clearly an algorithm wrote it.

    I had fun.

  • Tenet



    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Alamo Drafthouse scheduled this showing at 10:10am, and I really appreciate that. I also appreciate that when I booked my seat they cleared out two seats on either side of me 😄! But not in front of or behind me 😡!

    This movie should not be three and a half stars and yet I am a big dumdum. I did my senior capstone thesis on the movies of Christopher Nolan, so Ol' Chris could probably release a movie where it's…

  • Top Gun

    Top Gun


    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    I wish Tony Scott would have paid $25,000 to make even one of the flight scenes have any spatial cohesion.

    My first "what the fuck" moment was when Maverick was playing beach volleyball in full jeans, but that was after he follows a woman he just met into the women's restroom to attempt to fuck her despite her already turning him down so anyway Maverick is a complete sociopath.

    The stakes of this movie are SO low it's amazing the…

  • Wonder Woman

    Wonder Woman


    I thought this movie was a lot better the first time I saw it.

  • Radioactive



    Imagine having the story of the. Discovery. Of. Radiation as it coincides with the first World War... 3 Nobel prizes in the family... A literally civilization-changing discovery...

    And butchering it this badly.

    Any less a compelling figure as Marie Curie, any less a compelling topic as radiation, any less of a stellar actor as Rosamund Pike, and this movie would have been 1.5 stars.

    RADIOACTIVE is just an embarrassment to everything it's about and I mourn for the movie we could have had in the hands of a competent screenwriter and director.

  • Thor: The Dark World

    Thor: The Dark World


    I think this is the third time I've seen this movie and I still can't figure it out.

    I think the bad elf wants to make everything dark because sun bad?

    Also I'm pretty sure this is the third time I've zoned out somewhere in the middle and come back not aware of how we got here.

  • 7500



    It pains me immensely to dislike a movie starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

    And, in fact, maybe dislike is too strong of a word. I found it extremely challenging throughout all of 7500 to like anything about the movie. Not liking something and disliking something are not the same thing.

    In case it's not clear (I think maybe he says it once or twice in the movie), 7500 is the global transponder code for a hijacking. Except for a few scenes at…

  • The Vast of Night

    The Vast of Night


    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    This is good radio.

    I repeat, this is good RADIO.

    You know how when you want a healthy snack, you don't usually turn to uncooked, unseasoned mushrooms? Pop a mushroom in your mouth, turn it over a few times, bite into it.

    It's foamy. You know.... like a fungus.

    Then you eat a roasted, flavored seaweed strip. It has a delightful crispiness, maybe sesame flavor, some sea salt.

    Neither one really fills you up. Mushrooms and seaweed are both unfulfilling,…

  • My Spy

    My Spy


    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    What if Drax was in the CIA?

  • Palm Springs

    Palm Springs


    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    PALM SPRINGS is a romcom, so it can't help but end in the saccharine way all romcoms end: the guy and the girl resolve their existential angst, fear of commitment, and general depression and wind up together. They overcome conflict (internal and external) and have funny hijinks along the way.

    Just once I want a romcom where the people decide that yeah you know what I do fucking prefer to be alone and no I didn't beat the odds of…