• Tenet



    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Alamo Drafthouse scheduled this showing at 10:10am, and I really appreciate that. I also appreciate that when I booked my seat they cleared out two seats on either side of me 😄! But not in front of or behind me 😡!

    This movie should not be three and a half stars and yet I am a big dumdum. I did my senior capstone thesis on the movies of Christopher Nolan, so Ol' Chris could probably release a movie where it's…

  • Top Gun

    Top Gun


    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    I wish Tony Scott would have paid $25,000 to make even one of the flight scenes have any spatial cohesion.

    My first "what the fuck" moment was when Maverick was playing beach volleyball in full jeans, but that was after he follows a woman he just met into the women's restroom to attempt to fuck her despite her already turning him down so anyway Maverick is a complete sociopath.

    The stakes of this movie are SO low it's amazing the…

  • Wonder Woman

    Wonder Woman


    I thought this movie was a lot better the first time I saw it.

  • Radioactive



    Imagine having the story of the. Discovery. Of. Radiation as it coincides with the first World War... 3 Nobel prizes in the family... A literally civilization-changing discovery...

    And butchering it this badly.

    Any less a compelling figure as Marie Curie, any less a compelling topic as radiation, any less of a stellar actor as Rosamund Pike, and this movie would have been 1.5 stars.

    RADIOACTIVE is just an embarrassment to everything it's about and I mourn for the movie we could have had in the hands of a competent screenwriter and director.

  • Thor: The Dark World

    Thor: The Dark World


    I think this is the third time I've seen this movie and I still can't figure it out.

    I think the bad elf wants to make everything dark because sun bad?

    Also I'm pretty sure this is the third time I've zoned out somewhere in the middle and come back not aware of how we got here.

  • 7500



    It pains me immensely to dislike a movie starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

    And, in fact, maybe dislike is too strong of a word. I found it extremely challenging throughout all of 7500 to like anything about the movie. Not liking something and disliking something are not the same thing.

    In case it's not clear (I think maybe he says it once or twice in the movie), 7500 is the global transponder code for a hijacking. Except for a few scenes at…

  • The Vast of Night

    The Vast of Night


    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    This is good radio.

    I repeat, this is good RADIO.

    You know how when you want a healthy snack, you don't usually turn to uncooked, unseasoned mushrooms? Pop a mushroom in your mouth, turn it over a few times, bite into it.

    It's foamy. You know.... like a fungus.

    Then you eat a roasted, flavored seaweed strip. It has a delightful crispiness, maybe sesame flavor, some sea salt.

    Neither one really fills you up. Mushrooms and seaweed are both unfulfilling,…

  • My Spy

    My Spy


    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    What if Drax was in the CIA?

  • Palm Springs

    Palm Springs


    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    PALM SPRINGS is a romcom, so it can't help but end in the saccharine way all romcoms end: the guy and the girl resolve their existential angst, fear of commitment, and general depression and wind up together. They overcome conflict (internal and external) and have funny hijinks along the way.

    Just once I want a romcom where the people decide that yeah you know what I do fucking prefer to be alone and no I didn't beat the odds of…

  • Guns Akimbo

    Guns Akimbo


    There is very little redeemable about this movie.

    The writing and cinematography are particularly offensive. I don't mean that the script contains offensive content. Rather, the script contains 2 funny jokes and then the rest of the pages of lines are just the worst shit a highschooler would write for their movie.

    For the most part, they're delivered that way, too. Natasha Liu Bordizzo is probably the best actor in this movie, which is either surprising or not at all…

  • The Mandela Effect

    The Mandela Effect


    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    It would be a lie to say THE MANDELA EFFECT is a good movie. It is not.

    But, it's still fun as a jumping off point for something to think about. As someone who's pretty convinced that we are in fact in some kind of simulation, it's at least fun to have a movie take that idea seriously.

    Granted, with writing this bad, even the movie "taking it seriously" is itself hard to take seriously. There's a lot to complain…

  • A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood

    A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood


    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    I've given less than stellar reviews before where one of my complaints was that you had to know the source material to enjoy the movie.

    For A BEAUTIFUL DAY IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD, I'm going to give it a pass, for exactly one reason. The parts of this movie that require knowing the source material are fundamentally based on reality.

    This film is ostensibly about Mr. Rogers (and Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood), and I think that was clever. Mr. Rogers is one…