RowanHarper has written 13 reviews for films rated ½ during 2019.

  • How the Grinch Stole Christmas

    How the Grinch Stole Christmas


    I would rather eat shards of glass than sit through this movie again

  • Maleficent: Mistress of Evil

    Maleficent: Mistress of Evil


    Poorly shot. Poorly acted. Fucking atrocious dialogue. Uninteresting story. Over use of CGI. Unintentionally hilarious moments. Incredibly dark and blurry action sequences that are hard to follow. Stale and contradictory character motivations. Poorly paced. No originality. But most of all, just plain boring. Avoid.

  • Swiped



    Jesus Christ

  • Fun Size

    Fun Size


    I don’t really understand who this films target audience is. Too explicit for kids, too stupid for anyone above ten. A horrific script brought to life by bad actors...perfect. It’s harmless enough as background noise for your Halloween party, but as a film, it’s complete shit. God I can’t believe I liked this as a little kid.

  • Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore

    Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore


    I know everyone expected it to be good...I’m sorry, but it sucks

  • SPF-18




    “Somebody call a doctor because this house is sick!!!”...Yes this is the level 

    This is probably my new least favorite movie of all time, or at least one of them. Now granted I only threw this on as something to distract me while I do homework, but even with that context I still felt like I wasted my time. This was the most boring and awkward experience of my life. You have to be a methhead to…

  • Shrek 2

    Shrek 2


    If the shrek movies were a person they would have an extremely punchable face.

    Unfunny and annoying. These movies are so full of themselves it hurts. Sorry for the unpopular opinion but this movie sucks.

  • The Cobbler

    The Cobbler


    Sickeningly bad. I feel like this film got ignored because everyone was to busy focusing on Pixels. But trust me, this is way worse.

  • Men in Black: International

    Men in Black: International


    Props to this film for being, easily, the most bland, forgettable, formulaic thing I have ever seen

  • Year One

    Year One


    Oh god why? WHY???????????????????????? Why did I watch this? This might legitimately be one of worst films I have ever seen. I don't even know if I would call it a film, it feels like Jack Black and Micheal Cera got high and decided to film it. Why do all these time periods exist simultaneously? Why does a fat guy basically rape Micheal Cera? Why does Jack Black not die when he walks into the chamber that LITERALLY KILLS YOU…

  • Not a Jealous Bone

    Not a Jealous Bone


    We’ve done it! We have found the worst thing ever. There is no competition, it can’t get worse. I’m completely speechless.

    The music is pretty EPIC though.

  • Justice League

    Justice League


    Peak trash