RowanHarper has written 13 reviews for films rated ★½ .

  • Showgirls

    Showgirls

    ★½

    Oh man, what can even be said about this film. Paul Verhoevens cult classic is undeniably trashy, gratuitous, poorly acted, and completely embarrassing at points. But there is something also very fascinating about it. Something that can't be said about Showgirls is that it's a poorly directed film. Verhoevens camera work is energetic and dynamic, and the cinematography is suitably flashy and excessive for the story they are telling. It's not Paul Verhoevens fault that the film is bad. At…

  • Shrek the Third

    Shrek the Third

    ★½

    For someone who is not a fan of the Shrek franchise, this was actually kind of funny. But it actually just might be the stupidest movie I have ever seen.

    Live In Let Die? Why I cannot think of a more appropriate song for a funeral!

  • Feel the Beat

    Feel the Beat

    ★½

    This is bad. I cannot defend a single technical choice in this thing. The writing, acting, directing, cinematography, editing and music, oh god especially the music, are all fucking atrocious. And if it’s not completely terrible, it’s certainly bland and predictable. That said, the story of a Broadway dancer returning to her small hometown roots and rediscovering her passion for theater and dance really resonates with me personally. So for that I can’t bring it down to a 1 star or half star. Maybe I’m just feeling generous.

    2020 Rank
    Corona Qaurantine Rank

  • Fill your Heart with French Fries

    Fill your Heart with French Fries

    ★½

    Watch here - youtu.be/M3hUDqOtwxY

  • Pretty Woman

    Pretty Woman

    ★½

    Pretty Women directed by Garry Marshall starring continuity errors, terrible pacing and Richard Gere, giving one of the most boring performances in the history of cinema.

  • Hop

    Hop

    ★½

    Happy Easter everyone!

    It’s almost the 5th best American holiday so I decided to watch this to celebrate! It wasn’t very good, paint eggs instead.


    Illumination Ranked

  • Sierra Burgess Is a Loser

    Sierra Burgess Is a Loser

    ★½

    I’m just going to come out and say it... every single thing about this movie is completely mediocre, no better no worse. It’s actually a refreshing step up from the typical Netflix coming of age movies (Tall Girl, Swiped, SPF-18, etc) Noah genuinely does a decent job here and the dialogue is never as bad as “better watch out bimbo flying!” What kills this movie is it’s just plain boring. The soundtrack is boring, the script is boring, the direction…

  • Harriet

    Harriet

    ★½

    Wrote some extra credit at school for both this and 1917 I thought I would log it on here. Didn't actually re watch.

    Harriet is very historically accurate in portraying Harriet Tubman's life and her journey to freedom. It shows details in the story such as her families initial reluctance to leave slavery, her husband re-marring after he thinks she drowns, her original name as “minty”. Details like these make Harriet more engaging and educational than it would be otherwise.…

  • Harriet

    Harriet

    ★½

    Bad editing and presentation choices bring down what is already a pretty generic biopic. Essentially every character that isn’t Harriet herself is underwritten and underutilized and because of this forced emotional moments come out of plot lines that hold no weight. The soundtrack is overbearing, and the sound mixing is notably awful. There are some cheesy moments that I felt butchered any brutality and tension that this movie could have had, it’s kinda boring actually. Cynthia Erivo is pretty good,…

  • From Up on Poppy Hill

    From Up on Poppy Hill

    ★½

    What a disappointment

    Easily Studio Ghibli’s weakest film. This was super fucking boring. Cringe worthy dialogue, dull characters, juvenile humor, a plot that is so fundamentally uninteresting that it made me frustrated that it was made by the same company that strives on making movies with the most creative, interesting, zany plots imaginable. From a story perspective this feels like it was made by another company trying to rip off Ghibli. I started watching the English dub but had to…

  • Christmas with the Kranks

    Christmas with the Kranks

    ★½

    Annoying and a waste of time. Both my mom and I share the sentiment that we never need to see this film again. Jamie Lee Curtis is absolutely unbearable in this film. Definitely one of the worst performances I’ve ever seen. But there are some good things here, The climax of the film was pretty well done and hey, it was all in good Christmas spirit at the very least at least.

  • Only God Forgives

    Only God Forgives

    ★½

    Jeez that was painful...

    After watching this today and reading reviews afterwards, I think Karsten Runquist described it the best. "Only God Forgives is a bad movie disguised as a good movie". I think that describes it best because, once you get rid of the flashy cinematography and superb performances, you are left with the most meandering, nonsensical plot ever. The plot rarely makes any sense, yet it expects you to REALLY CARE about these characters, there is one character,…