RowanHarper has written 8 reviews for films rated .

  • Wish Upon

    Wish Upon

    This is what would happen if Sierra Burgess and Elle found a satanic wish box...

    I do not like teen horror movies. They ruin the best part of each genre. You can’t have an effective horror movie, because it has to be for teens, and you can’t simply have a good coming of age movie, because there has to be horror elements. What you are left with is bland and idiotic films like Wish Upon. This movie has one of…

  • Dirty Dancing

    Dirty Dancing

    Movie equivalent to being at a boring party.

    Quarantine Rank

  • Trunk Space

    Trunk Space

    Watch here - youtu.be/F14Gu6cw86g

    That was incredibly stupid.

  • The Usual Suspects

    The Usual Suspects

    I can’t really see why this has become a beloved classic. Poor pacing and zero character development creating an exhausting experience that was so fundamentally boring and uninteresting in my opinion. It’s plot is cheesy, convoluted and difficult to follow, and nobody can convince me the acting is good no matter how hard they try. Waste of a movie night.

  • The Great Outdoors

    The Great Outdoors

    An unfortunate excursion for both Candy and Aykroyd. Simply not funny and messy to an unforgivable degree. There is subplot involving the oldest son falling in love with a girl, and THE SAME FUCKING SONG PLAYS EVERY TIME THIS GIRL IS ON SCREEN, and it sounds like porn music. The soundtrack of the film is all around pretty porny actually. The editing is incredibly sloppy and I didn't even slightly smile at any joke. Most of these scenes actually make…

  • Tall Girl

    Tall Girl

    ***WARNING CONTAINS SPOILERS, BUT LET'S HONEST, DO YOU CARE????***

    Tall Girl is one of the saddest excuses for a film I have ever seen. It is anchored COMPLETELY by a powerful performance from the always great Steve Zahn, who gets a genuinely great scene that comes completely out of nowhere. Like seriously can we get Steve Zahn a leading role in a amazing movie soon?

    Okay, we are just gonna take this one step at a time because WOW there…

  • The Master

    The Master

    One star for the excellent cinematography, directing and performances. But other than that The Master is one of the most boring, pretentious films I have ever seen in my life. I will admit that this may be one that I will probably have to revisit in the future, but man this film was a struggle to get through.

    I had really high expectations given the director and the cast, but was left with a script that felt shallow and I…

  • Beauty and the Beast

    Beauty and the Beast

    Autotune