Spider-Man: Homecoming

Spider-Man: Homecoming ★★½

Subjectivity is important and all of that, but honestly, Y'ALL ARE FUCKING DELUSIONAL.

This is the normiest, safest, blandest comic book movie ever made. (and I don't mean this lightly)

Spider-Man for people who think 'Spider-Man 3' is really bad.

Ant-Man' in a lousy coming-of-age costume, except something mild (to not say mediocre) is kind of expected from that property, and even that had some sparse glimpses of originality in it.

After watching 'Cop Car', you'd wonder just exactly how much Marvel would water down Watts' exciting filmmaking to meet their vision for the third cinematic iteration of the world's favorite superhero, but they really outdone themselves here. Besides the young likable cast, there's absolutely nothing inspired about this. Whatever John-Hughes-like flick it might glossily replicate for a brief while, that thing is mercilessly kicked to the curb in favor of absurdly mindless CGI set pieces where Spidey looks like a goddamn rubber doll interacting with other oddly unrealistic objects while Giacchino's score gets relentlessly drawn out by artificial sound effects and a thought-out cinematography appears to be non-existent.

If critics and general audiences alike have apparently decided to overlook the mind-numbing large portions of aggressively generic MCU fare to focus on the somewhat charming and mostly harmlessly comedic high school stuff, that's fine, but at least acknowledge that there's simply not enough of it. Our protagonist keeps getting away from the charismatic supporting characters, which is probably what the script is trying to get at for his narrative arc, yet it does so by sacrificing a tremendous amount of pleasant screen time that could be spent in their company, and ultimately, killing its chances of being a legitimately refreshing, wholesome take on New York's friendly neighbor.

No other moment in the film is more telling of the kind of inherently slight and artificial genre experimentation the folks at Marvel Studios keep utilizing to repackage their horribly samey products, as the one of Peter, in costume, quipping his way through several suburban backyards, in a tolerable, yet monumentally obvious, reference to 'Ferris Bueller', to which the movie literally cuts to a television showing that exact scene in the aforementioned 80's classic. Fuck off.

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