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  • Godzilla: King of the Monsters

    Godzilla: King of the Monsters

    ★★★

    Not sure how they managed to make a film about prehistoric dinosaurs & extraterrestrial dragons visually banal, or how any short story I wrote as a seven-year-old has more depth and personality than any character herein, but whatever. big lizard go rawr

  • Transformers: The Last Knight

    Transformers: The Last Knight

    ★★★★½

    So unapologetic in its excess, incomprehension, and the unabashedly batshit that it bends over backwards, morphing into a deeply cathartic self-parody. With reckless abandon, Bay splatters paint on the canvas, caring little for how it'll look when it dries, concerned only with how it feels when the paint first hits it. It's exhilarating, not only for the miraculous stitching together so many incongruent pieces into an interstellar whole, but in that Bay's thrill-a-minute, do-now-think-later sensibilities represent an enviable, unattainable approach to life itself. An unironic all-timer.

  • Transformers: Dark of the Moon

    Transformers: Dark of the Moon

    ★★★★

    Tried to write something serious about how fun and cathartic these films are--and how they, along with Star Wars, solidified a love for sci-fi that I'll take with me to the grave--but being serious about them takes the fun out of it so. driller worm robot go whrrrrrrr. good movie

  • Transformers: The Last Knight

    Transformers: The Last Knight

    ★★★★

    they go pew pew in this one

  • Transformers: Age of Extinction

    Transformers: Age of Extinction

    ★★★½

    i like the part when they transform

  • Grown Ups 2

    Grown Ups 2

    Just guys being dudes.

  • Star Wars: The Last Jedi

    Star Wars: The Last Jedi

    ★★★★★

    A few quotes from my girlfriend, who grew up with no special connection to Star Wars, yet reacted strongest to The Last Jedi compared to every other saga entry so far: 


    [Luke tossing his saber off the cliff]: *chuckles*

    [In response to seeing Leia, in every single scene she's in]: "Ahhh, my queen!!"

    [Seeing porgs for the first time]: "Oh my god what are those things, I want one."

    [After Rey and Kylo's first Force FaceTime]: *bewildered silence* "Wait...that's a new…

  • Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

    Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

    ★½

    Reduces Star Wars to a theme park caricature of itself; the good vs. evil dichotomy is at once hyperbolized and simplified, equaling a Disneyland rollercoaster that lacks genuine stakes and drama. It's fun, but it ultimately means nothing. Cameos and conflicts are styled as a sitcom would include them, inoffensively calculated so that you emote appropriately, at the precise moment Abrams want you to. The characters are guided by MacGuffins that mean nothing, coming across people who mean nothing, saying…

  • Pokémon Detective Pikachu

    Pokémon Detective Pikachu

    ★★★½

    Semester's almost over, which means in a week, I can properly gush over my favorite comfort films like this one. My girlfriend loved everything Pikachu (as she should!), and we both agreed the main character was about as sympathetic as a bag of rocks. Still can't get enough of the eccentric, caffeine-addicted mouse though.

  • Stay Alive

    Stay Alive

    ★½

    yoooo i love when horror films contradict their own established rules and outright ignore the most intriguing plot threads in favor of a shoehorned romance and an obnoxiously ominous ending 😍😍😍

  • Evil Dead

    Evil Dead

    ★★★★

    Simply describing this as body horror just wouldn’t do justice to the over-abundance of pulpy viscera herein; this is body traumatization, inciting enough potty-mouthed exclamations and repulsed reel-backs to warrant another sit-down with my former therapist. Of the horror genre, this is the most over-the-top I’ve ever seen it—I plan to get my hands on the originals ASAP.

  • Speed Racer

    Speed Racer

    ★★★★★

    Outside of Revenge of the Sith (and more recently, Chantal Akerman's News From Home), no other film makes me cry harder than this. That it even exists is, in itself, something to behold; a rare surrealist rejection of all things banal, at once extravagant and deeply empathetic--and one of the few artistic achievements that feels infinitely rewatch-able. Very, very close to becoming my favorite film ever.