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  • Alien: Covenant

    Alien: Covenant

    ★★½

    I keep expecting Alien movies and I keep getting two hours of Ridley Scott philosophizing and dropping references to classical art/music/myths. Which would be enjoyable enough, I suppose, if it didn't force parallels to the other films in the franchise by, y'know, existing within it.

    Scott just doubles down on Prometheus. Doubles down on the philosophizing. Doubles down on the slowness of the first half. Doubles down-- literally-- on Fassbender. Triples and quadruples down on making the disposable, one-note characters…

  • King Arthur: Legend of the Sword

    King Arthur: Legend of the Sword

    ★★

    If you're looking for a hot mess fantasy epic filled with magic and giant snakes, I recommend Gods of Egypt over Guy Ritchie's remake of Ridley Scott's Legend here.

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  • Passengers

    Passengers

    ½

    In this theater, no one could hear me scream.

  • Sucker Punch

    Sucker Punch

    ½

    In case you were wondering, this is still one the ugliest, most brainless, most unpleasant, and most fucking terrible movies made in your lifetime.