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  • Landline

    Landline

    ★★★½

    Robespierre and Slate are knocking on the door of being Oscar contenders. This might not be the vehicle that gets them over the edge... but they are both so immensely talented.

    Major props to the casting director here too, because Turturro and Falco make for an inspired pair of parents, and Abby Quinn, in addition to looking like she could be Slate's actual little sister, is really fantastic in a tricky role.

  • Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets

    Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets

    ★★★

    Guys, this movie is ONE LEADING MAN away from being a stone-cold fucking classic. It's beautiful and batshit crazy and full of just so many phenomenally weird ideas that I don't know where to begin talking about all of the stuff that really, truly works.

    However, Dane DeHaan doesn't fit the "charming leading man soldier" mold. At all. Like... at ALL. It's like he's cosplaying as young Tom Cruise, except that Tom Cruise never would've allowed Besson to give him…

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  • Passengers

    Passengers

    ½

    In this theater, no one could hear me scream.

  • Sucker Punch

    Sucker Punch

    ½

    In case you were wondering, this is still one the ugliest, most brainless, most unpleasant, and most fucking terrible movies made in your lifetime.