• The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge on the Run

    The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge on the Run


    diminishing returns, but still some good gags sprinkled throughout.

  • To Catch a Thief

    To Catch a Thief


    minor Hitchcock, to the point where maybe this score should be lower... but those scenes with Grant and Kelly are just *so fucking good*

  • Special Forces

    Special Forces


    I'm not a complicated man. I like a hot breakfast, I like a cold beer, and I like Scott Adkins kicking the shit out of people.

  • Maximum Risk

    Maximum Risk


    a little more glum and serious than you'd expect from the premise and the silly title, but consistently engaging and well-directed.

    plus, you get car chases plowing through fruit trucks, flower stands, and butcher shops, heroes and villains running on foot through busy New York traffic, causing wrecks along the way, and big sweaty Russian mobsters in saunas. too many awesome things for this movie to fail.

  • Beverly Hills Cop

    Beverly Hills Cop


    terrific premise, fun action, character actors having a blast, an all-time great soundtrack, and, oh yeah, perhaps the most charismatic actor of the last half a century at the peak of his powers.

    one of the great star vehicles in cinema history.

  • Thunder Force

    Thunder Force

    props to Melissa and Ben. somewhere along the way, they decided, “we love each other. instead of working hard to make good movies, let’s make improv-fests with first draft scripts, endless scenes, and CW-level visuals, and let’s just get this fucking money and go on Spring Break.” can’t even be mad at the efficiency of their bag securing. the movies are bad, but good for them.

    that said, I confess I laughed a couple times at Bateman COMPLETELY slumming it here. a whole movie about The Crab would’ve indisputably been better than this.

  • Hard to Kill

    Hard to Kill


    the stretch here from Seagal coming out of the coma to Seagal's montage learning to fight again? might be my favorite Seagal stretch of all time. like, he's actually trying to *act*.

    the rest of this owns in the usual way, but I feel like that half an hour or so is a glimpse into the career Seagal could've had if he'd given a shit.

  • Up in the Air

    Up in the Air


    summer of 2009, I moved to a new city for a girl, started a job there. by end of 2009, I'd been dumped by said girl and was alone in a new city. I found myself truly single for the first time since my freshman year of college. so I was traveling a lot, learning to be independent, trying to have casual flings with women I met at bars, thinking I had it all figured out. but underneath it all,…

  • Adam's Rib

    Adam's Rib


    a perfect excuse to wheel out the phrase "they don't make em like this anymore." outstanding chemistry between the leads, a series of memorable supporting turns, crisp one-liners, and battle-of-the-sexes material that still feels fresh nearly three quarters of a century later. ending's a little tidy by necessity, but overall it's a banger.

  • D.O.A.



    end is a bit underwhelming, but it boasts a great whodunit set-up, plenty of fun side characters, a real atmosphere of paranoia and confusion, and Edmond O'Brien gives one of the great running performances of all time (Tom Cruise for the remake?). plus it clocks in well under 90 minutes— hell yeah

  • His Girl Friday

    His Girl Friday


    Bruce Baldwin in the streets, Walter Burns in the sheets

  • Godzilla vs. Kong

    Godzilla vs. Kong


    as much as I respect what the Gareth Edwards one did, this one has a giant gorilla flying through the air with floating rocks in the middle of the planet. if you're gonna go dork, go full dork. Wingard goes full dork. good.