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  • Zu: Warriors from the Magic Mountain

    Zu: Warriors from the Magic Mountain

    ★★★½

    a rapid-fire of human aerobatics and laser shows that's always chewing scenery and never cud, although the script tantalizes with blood demon doubles and mystical sky mirrors. it could've used more sammo hung but you've all heard that old chestnut.

  • Stalingrad

    Stalingrad

    ★½

    man they really added a lot of melodrama to these remastered call of duty 2 cutscenes

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  • Rebels of the Neon God

    Rebels of the Neon God

    ★★★★½

    a synthesized tune on repeat is the anthem of analog era angst. car mirrors busted by alienated youth. a street fighter motherboard black market. brooding motorbike rides through rain-soaked, garbage-encrusted streets. the atmosphere of rebels of the neon god is so thick you'll feel like you've rolled into the gutters of trashpunk taipei circa 1992.

    best watched on VHS while flipping your parents the bird and looping youtu.be/8urigjsCdNw

  • Zero Dark Thirty

    Zero Dark Thirty

    ★½

    INT. CAFETERIA (PAKISTAN)

    Jessica Chastain eats breakfast.

    INT. CAFETERIA (GERMANY)

    Jessica Chastain eats lunch.

    EXT. TORTURE PLACE - TORTURE O'CLOCK

    Torture stuff.

    INT. CAFETERIA (AFGHANISTAN)

    Jessica Chastain eats dinner.

    zero dark thirty is a 157-minute hard labor sentence, the plodding story of a CIA agent driven to compulsive eating by osama bin laden. a supporting cast of one or more indistinguishable bearded white guys didn't help in stopping this from being the longest car ride of my life, and one i was praying would run over an IED