Dear NBCUniversal,
As a loyal season pass holder to your theme parks, I unfortunately must give you an ultimatum: either bring back The Cabin in the Woods maze to Halloween Horror Nights, or I am just going to keep crop dusting the gift shop for the Secret Life of Pets ride...it's as simple as that.
Sincerely,
A man with IBS and a lot of time on his hands
Pumpkin King Marathon 🎃 👑 (2021)
*12 (of 31)
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Dimension Films Exec: "Thanks for stopping by Rob, as you know we got big plans for your 𝘏𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘯 sequel and... - "
Rob Zombie: "Pay me in fog machines or I walk."
Exec: "What...?"
Rob Zombie: {takes a swig of homemade moonshine in milk carton} "You heard me you stupid fuck! Instead of paying me one mill to direct, I want roughly 20,000 fog machines from the nearest party supply…
Pumpkin King Marathon 🎃 👑 (2023)
*31 (of 31)
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
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Hanna-Barbera and Savage Steve Holland's The Last Halloween is about four early 90's CG Martians...of whom pay a visit to Earth on Halloween to replenish Mars' dwinding supply of it's most precious resource..."coobi" (candy). Apart from clearly being made before childhood diabetes was a full blown epidemic, The Last Halloween is a half-hour special whose entire final act was seemingly cut to fit a CBS time slot...not to…
Pumpkin King Marathon 🎃 👑 (2023)
*30 (of 31)
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The Halloween That Fucking Wasn't. The Wolfman in this has only slighly more body hair than I do and that deeply offends me.
Ok. I'm baffled here for a number of reasons. I was recommended this HP Lovecraft adaption in good faith and never in my life have I seen such a laughable mess (understatement) receive so much praise from a majority of outlets. It currently has an 83% on Rotten Tomatoes, and I'm truly astounded and both confused considering you have all the hallmarks of a "unintended" comedy classic here, let alone a "good" movie. If you were to create a schlock…
Why am I even attempting to review this? It's 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘚𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨. A monsoon of gore. Ghost furries. Jack Nicholsons eyebrows. An axe. Another axe. Ghost bartender. Everyone loves this fucking movie. If you have not seen it, you're late to a party that's been going on 40 years straight.
