• The Boondock Saints

    The Boondock Saints

    ★★

    And shepherds we shall be. For thee, my Lord, for thee.
    Power hath descended forth from thy hand that our feet may swiftly carry out thy command.
    So we shall flow a river forth to thee and teeming with souls shall it ever be.
    In Nomeni Patri, Et Fili Spiritus Sancti.


    The Boondocks Saints
    is about two brothers who decide to take justice in their own hands and become vigilantes whiling out the wicked.
    I have a weird relationship with…

  • Gotti

    Gotti

    It's a me Gotti


    Gotti is about-well, I'm not sure. I assume it's about his rise and downfall but the movie fails on almost every level. For some reason the movie is laid out as a non-linear story which makes it hard to get invested when we're switching consistently between times of his life. The production looks cheap, like really cheap. It reminded me of a college student trying to remake Goodfellas or any better Italian mob movie. There's zero tension…

  • Capone

    Capone

    ½

    Capone is about the last year of Al Capone's life as he suffers from full blown dementia. I don't even know where to begin with this movie, it's genuinely a giant mess across the board. The major problem though is there isn't a plot it's just about the last year of his life.

    The movie doesn't give you the groundwork or the setup necessary to know who Al Capone was. It just assumes you know everythuaboht the guy already and…

  • Rumble Fish

    Rumble Fish

    ★★½

    "Somebody outta put the fish in the river."
    - The Motorcycle Boy


    Rumble Fish is about a young man dealing with his identity and how he relates to his notorious older brother The Motorcycle Boy. I grew up reading the book and I even watched the movie a couple of times as a youngin but I hardly remember anything from either experiences. 

    The atmosphere is immaculate. Tulsa feels like a fairy tale, something out of legend. Much like Se7en it…

  • Raging Bull

    Raging Bull

    ★★★★★

    "I’ve done a lot of bad things Joey, maybe it’s coming back to me."
    - Jake LaMotta


    Raging Bull centers around real life boxer Jake LaMotta and his inevitable downfall from middleweight champion of the world to bar comedian. Raging Bull is one of Martin Scorsese’s most subtle films. It’s extremely intimate and very stripped down, it isn’t very flashy like Goodfellas or The Wolf of Wall Street. There’s something about the film, I couldn’t quite put my finger on…

  • Chinatown

    Chinatown

    ★★★★½

    "You've got a nasty reputation, Mr. Gitts. I like that."
    - Noah Cross


    Chinatown is about a private eye who’s hired by Mrs. Mulwray to investigate the death of her husband, the director or of the Department of Water and Power, and uncovers a conspiracy behind it all both personal and professional.

    Working with some rather uninteresting material the film effectively achieves the interest of a neo-noir mystery and the modern appeal of a 70’s movie for the time. I…

  • The Departed

    The Departed

    ★★

    So The Departed was meh. Nothing to sing from the heavens as I’ve been led to believe but meh nonetheless. Really just an Americanized version of Infernal Affairs. I ended the movie liking it but the more I thought about everything the more upset and angry I got towards the writing. It centers around an undercover cop looking into Jack Nicholson’s character and a mole that Jack Nicholson’s character has inside the police department feeding them information. 

    The pacing felt…

  • Hugo

    Hugo

    ★★★½

    “Everything has a purpose, clocks tell you the time, trains takes you to places. I imagine the whole world was one big machine. Machines never come with any extra parts, you know. They always come with the exact amount they need. So I figured if the entire world was one big machine... I couldn't be an extra part. I had to be here for some reason. And that means you have to be here for some reason, too.”
    - Hugo…

  • Artemis Fowl

    Artemis Fowl

    ½

    I'm not even gonna bother with a full length review, this is barely a movie with barely a story.

    I still don't know what I just watched.
    This movie is nearly incoherent in every aspect and one of the worst movies visually, narratively, in pacing and in characterization I've ever seen.

    No, just no. This movie needs to be Thanos snapped.

  • Jupiter Ascending

    Jupiter Ascending

    Jupiter Ascending is kinda terrible. I don't know any other way to put it. The film centers around a girl who's introduced to a scoiety that's fighting over who owns and controls the earth. This fish out of water scenario should be as simple as they come but even the Wachowskis managed to make this boring when they perfectly executed it in The Matrix over a decade ago.

    The Pros: The music is fantastic, some of the actors do fine…

  • Stardust

    Stardust

    ★★½

    It's implied that Robert De Niro and Henry Cavill have sex so now I have a Travis Bickle/Superman fanfic


    Where do I begin with this movie? Stardust is about a young man who wants to find a star and bring her back home with him to impress a girl and they learn how to love each other throughout the whole journey. I'm on the fence on this one whether it's going to be one of my new guilty pleasure movies or not.…

  • The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader

    The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader

    ★½

    Reepicheep really just ritually sacrificed himself


    The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader is the 3rd film released in the Narnia film series and it centers around Edmund and Lucy returning to Narnia with their cousin Eustace to go on some seafaring adventure. If I’m being honest the downgrade is immeasurable and almost immediately noticeable. The film is a very loosely woven plot as it serves as an odyssey-like adventure as our characters island hop from one…