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Samantha has written 26 reviews for films during 2019.

  • Frankenhooker


    "What do you remember about Frankenhooker?"

    Sam: "GOT ANY MONEY?? There was a whole bunch of hookers that he exploded and made into one hooker and she was like... purple? And she just yelled everything. LOOKING FOR A GOOD TIME??"

  • Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant

    Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant

    "What do you remember about Cirque du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant?"

    Sam: "They make the kid a half-vampire and there was fat, grown-up Pugsley like "I like to do mysterious things and I'm gonna make my own evil vampire" and they were called the Vampinese, which like, what?"

  • Kingpin


    "What do you remember about Kingpin?"

    Sam: "Bill Murray was like the villain, and he was like "I'm the fucking main bowler and no one can bowl like me but let's hustle people, but then I'm gonna hustle YOU."

  • A Clockwork Orange

    A Clockwork Orange

    "What do you remember about A Clockwork Orange?"

    Sam: "There was so much rape in that movie! It was fucking ridiculous but I was oddly attracted to the main character."

  • Moonlight


    "What do you remember about Moonlight?"

    Sam: "This black guy was gay... and the other guy that he liked, was he white or was he black too? Or was it black love?"

  • Ralph Breaks the Internet

    Ralph Breaks the Internet

    "What do you rmemeber about Ralph Breaks the Internet?"

    Sam: "Sarah Silverman was still driving the candy car and the ads were like popups. Like, the people were like... the pop up people, and they were like "Hey! There's this diet drug for you!"

  • Casino Royale

    Casino Royale

    "What do you remember about Casino Royale?"

    Sam: "Robert DeNiro was in that, right?"

    Me: "Nope."

    Sam: "Was that a Bond movie?"

    Me: "Yup."

    Sam: "Literally nothing."

  • Locke


    "What do you remember about Locke?"

    Sam: "...Locke?"

    Me: "Tom Hardy in a car."

    Sam: "Omg, the worst movie ever. He literally just drove and cheated on his wife and woman he cheated on with was pregnant and it sounded like she was really tall with big feet."

  • Goosebumps 2: Haunted Halloween

    Goosebumps 2: Haunted Halloween

    "What do you remember about Goosebumps 2?"

    Sam: "Jack Black wasn't in it and it was pretty forgettable. Same old shit. And the dummy was there."

  • Raiders of the Lost Ark

    Raiders of the Lost Ark

    "What do you remember about Raiders of the Lost Ark?"

    Sam: "Omg, nothing. Did we even finish that? It looked like it was hot the whole time. Was there a ball he had to run from?"

  • Her


    "What do you remember about Her?"

    Sam: "I hate Scarlett Johansson."

    Me: "Why do you hate her so much?"

    Sam: "I didn't like her in Don Jones. Don John? Don Johnson? Something like that. And she was a computer and she was kind of a dick, and she was like "All computers are leaving" and all of the computers just left and that's how it ended."

  • The Week Of

    The Week Of

    "What do you remember about The Week Of?"

    Sam: "Adam Sandler's Jewish white family married into a black family, which would never happen, and Chris Rock was a dick the whole time, and then at the end, he was like "I'm really fucking up, I wanna be with my family."