Assassin's Creed

I try to watch every movie to the end. You never know if some cool shit is maybe happening in the last act. So far there were only five movies that I wasn't able to finish.

This is #6.

I made it to the 75 minutes mark, before I had to turn this ugly, stupid, joyless, disjointed and simply boring mess of a movie off. Don't ask me what it is about. Apparently a violent criminal gets strapped into a machine and witnesses random flashbacks from ancient spain, while a bunch of people stand around and mumble stuff.

I don't think I ever felt so disconnected from a movie before. Everything in it, from the acting, to the score and the cinematography, screams at you "This is boring! No fun!" Now don't get me wrong, I don't demand them to crack jokes all the time, but ASSASSIN'S CREED feels like the biggest "Fuck that, let's go home" of all time.

Even the action scenes are an insult. Not just that they are typical overedited post-action bullshit without any sense for rhythm or geography, they take place in super dusty environments and for some reason 90% shot against the light!

Let me repeat that: The action scenes are:

- shaky
- overedited to the point of total confusion
- take place in thick dust clouds
- the sun is always shining directly into the camera

It's like the director watched a bunch of Greengrass movies and maybe QUANTUM OF SOLACE and thought: "Hold my beer, I can do worse!"

In conclusion: Fuck that movie. But please don't take my zero star rating as a rating. I just don't rate movies that I don't finish. But I don't think it would get anything higher than 1 star, most likely just 1/2.