This Darkness: The Vampire Virus ★★½

Within the first few minutes of this movie, we are treated to beach vampires licking a teenager's blood from the floor of a public restroom, a vampire with a swastika carved into his chest splattering a woman taking a shower, bikini-clad college coeds with beer bongs shouting "Spring break 2000!," and Dr. Van ("call me Van") Helsing hallucinating a lady in her underwear while teaching genetics at a university and wearing blue jeans. There are definitely worse SOV flicks about fanged fiends out there. It gets really, really talky at times, but nothing a little nu-metal bloodsucker action or dad jokes can't partially make up for. Charming.

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