Star Wars: The Last Jedi

Star Wars: The Last Jedi ★★★★½

the Star Wars movie I needed, but didn’t deserve.

updating on 12/18 - a full 4 days after I saw this movie for the first time - because it's taken my this long to figure out how I want to articulate watching this movie was.

I expected, much like TFA, to be cheers, jeers, fist pumping, and all around "OH MY GOD"ing and there was certainly that, but it all felt different and more reserved. I was physically shaking as the film started and my eyes FEASTED upon the opening crawl, squeezing every last bit of that yellow font into my brain. I felt intense nerves, anxiety, and excitement and just didn't know what to do with all that restless energy.

my one thought during like, the first 25 minutes of this movie was "this is weird". it felt (at the time) like it was moving too fast. like there was too much John Williams (insane). there was too much going back and forth between the characters. I wanted to steep in some moments longer, but there was Too Much Going On.

and then I just decided to go with it. "yes and..." myself into the film. I wish I could say it was a specific moment, maybe it was Luke teaching Rey her first lesson? not entirely certain but I just gave myself over to the movie, and it was like watching Star Wars for the first time.

my first Star Wars movie was The Phantom Menace...and I loved it. I literally didn't know there were other Star Wars movies! I didn't know who tf the little boy was or what anything had to do with anything, but I liked the pod racing and I thought it was an exciting film. I just gave myself over to the movie because I didn't realize I had to think, and I was totally hooked. I remember thinking "oh good if this is Episode I that means they'll make more!" oh Sarah...

I've always envied the people who got to watch the original trilogy for the first time and just experience it without thought or trepidation or theories or discourse. this movie overwhelmed me, and to be honest it took a second viewing for me to get a grip on the whole situation. It's not perfect, but no Star Wars movie is. this is a true, honest to god experience, and I'm so grateful to everyone who made this possible. it's nothing I expected, and everything I wanted.

I think of Yoda's line in ESB "let go of everything you fear to lose" - I did, and wow what an experience I had for it.

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