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  • La La Land

    La La Land

    ★★★★½

    Happiness is watching LA LA LAND with peace of mind knowing that MOONLIGHT won Best Picture.

  • Battle of the Sexes

    Battle of the Sexes

    I liked her blue Adidas, but that was it.

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  • The Beautiful Person

    The Beautiful Person

    ★★★★

    Garrel and Seydoux don't make out because, if they did, French cinema would implode.

  • The Boy Next Door

    The Boy Next Door

    ½

    The Boy Next Door: I bought you a copy of The Iliad by Homer.
    Jennifer Lopez: Is this a first edition?!
    Me: FFS OMFG R U FUCKING KIDDING ME *BURNS ENTIRE THEATRE DOWN. NO ONE SURVIVES. NOT EVEN THE CHILDREN*