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  • The Relic

    The Relic

    ★★½

    Visually speaking, genuinely one of the darkest movies I have ever seen.

    Some of the wildest scenes ever of sudden chaos and panic as a result of too little information delivered all at once: brutal and yet so oddly pedestrian.

    Sincerely appreciated the subtle seeming coincidence that a teaser trailer for FACE/OFF (1997) preceded this feature at the New Bev and two canine cops in the movie are named Castor and Pollux (as with the character Nicolas Cage and his brother - Alessandro Nivola - portray in the aforementioned). Is this the ultimate in subliminal studio marketing? Paramount, you sly devil.

  • The Assignment

    The Assignment

    ★★½

    As inexplicable of a motion picture as you are likely to find these days.

    Michelle Rodriguez (as gender-reassigned gun-for-hire Frank Kitchen) is trying to pull off a miracle. Nobody, no matter how sincere the approach, can act their way through a beard as fake as the one we're introduced to here. But that gentle wisecrack aside, how is it that Walter Hill came to make an almost totally tone deaf action film about the - incidental - transgender experience?

    I…

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  • The Punisher

    The Punisher

    ★★★★★

    Forget PUNISHER: WAR ZONE. Goldblatt made an 80s action masterpiece.

    10 reasons why you should stop everything and watch THE PUNISHER now:

    1. Dolph Lundgren (!) as Frank Castle / The Punisher.
    2. Jeroen Krabbe (!) as the new don of the Italian mafia.
    3. Explosions. Lots of 'em. Explosions within explosions.
    4. Scuba-Ninjas. Stop. Read it again. Fucking scuba-ninjas!
    5. A deadly woman who crucifies a man with her earrings.
    6. A vision of Castle as a broken, fragile,…

  • Electric Boogaloo: The Wild, Untold Story of Cannon Films

    Electric Boogaloo: The Wild, Untold Story of Cannon Films

    ★★★★

    "If something excites you, be brave. And go! Try to do it good, but do it." - Menahem Golan

    Two cousins, their sincere love of cinema, and the collapse of their empire.

    Hartley's previous doc (MACHETE MAIDENS UNLEASHED!) fell victim to a sad tragedy in that it spent ninety agonizing minutes making fun of and shaming its subject matter. ELECTRIC BOOGALOO begins with the same regrettable tone, calling the films "silly," "stupid," and "low budget," but after 15 minutes, the…