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  • Write A Book About It

    Write A Book About It

    ★★★★

    ULTRAVIOLENT WARLORD COUTURE

    Oh, no! My glittery seafoam gown, it's covered in blood. But I kind of like it?

    Lo-fi plasmodic snuff-art musical from the future.* A deranged, brain-sick home movie from the netherworld of Los Angeles. A Chatroulette abortion. Eternal blood orgy. Smoke machines, neon haze, and endless dance parties.

    * Please note: Not fit for most human consumption. A party movie... of a sort.

  • ChromiumBlue.com

    ChromiumBlue.com

    ★★★★★

    “How splendicious!” - Vivian Vadim (Erica Prior)

    An exhaustive distillation of the early aughts CD-ROM disk mag aesthetic, complete with artist and song credits that fade up in the lower left of the screen. An ode to commercialism. A blatant, self-referential ‘sex sells’ advertisement.

    Also: impromptu cage fights; sassy lesbian limo drivers; yacht parties; vicarious arousal by way of online portals; a snobby burger fetishist; a fashion first approach to filmmaking; a frankly abnormal amount of rabbits, for some reason; precognition, but limited to bedroom ventures; moped jewel thieves; and so, so, so much more.

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  • Wild Orchid II: Two Shades of Blue

    Wild Orchid II: Two Shades of Blue

    ★★★½

    “Heart my ass.” - Blue (Nina Siemaszko)

    Three locations in search of a through line: a hotel, a brothel, and a high school. Her. Blue. 

    The overt noir tone and the sad eternal night of the first third come on a little too strong for me. Also, the connecting tissue that moves the plot forward is ‘blink and you’ll miss it” level effort... These things must happen and thus they do. At the same time, even noting my disappointment, I…

  • Pleasure or Pain

    Pleasure or Pain

    ★★★

    ZK’s Id (Kamikaze Love)

    The story of Jack and his world famous dick. 

    Everyone just sounds sooooo fuckin’ bored...

    Borrows the late night pirate radio broadcast framing mechanism from ZK’s earlier, better WOMEN OF THE NIGHT (‘01), but to no avail.

    An ultravapid hotel room montage of desperate women auditioning to be Jack’s next one-night stand; a whole scene dedicated to three vacant hangers-on gleefully rubbin’ their bare asses on the leather seats of a brand new Range Rover; a dinner…

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  • The Punisher

    The Punisher

    ★★★★★

    Forget PUNISHER: WAR ZONE. Goldblatt made an 80s action masterpiece.

    10 reasons why you should stop everything and watch THE PUNISHER now:

    1. Dolph Lundgren (!) as Frank Castle / The Punisher.
    2. Jeroen Krabbe (!) as the new don of the Italian mafia.
    3. Explosions. Lots of 'em. Explosions within explosions.
    4. Scuba-Ninjas. Stop. Read it again. Fucking scuba-ninjas!
    5. A deadly woman who crucifies a man with her earrings.
    6. A vision of Castle as a broken, fragile,…

  • The Brown Bunny

    The Brown Bunny

    ★★★★★

    Rewatch with Vincent Gallo’s commentary track from the Japanese home video release. He talks a lot about the start-to-finish booing of the unfinished version exhibited in Cannes; how he positioned a monitor just out of frame, but to match his eyeline, so as to allow himself to compose the shots and serve as cinematographer; and he openly ponders what drove him to spend three years creating a film that (almost) nobody liked, that didn’t make any money, and that has since…