• A Simple Plan

    A Simple Plan

    ★★★★

    aka A Sumptuous Plane

    Don’t do it* for the money.

    The surest way to lose sight of yourself ...

    Raimi, restrained, almost formally retrained. 

    * lie, cheat, steal, trick, assault, murder, etc.

  • The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent

    The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent

    ★★★

    A somewhat sad perversion of a person’s real life - the circumstances of extraordinary debt that led them to accept any role offered them - that should have, at most, been an SNL sketch but here taken to its illogical feature-length extreme. It’s undeniably a one-trick pony, but that it’s neither unwatchably offensive or one-note seems like a gosh dang miracle. The dialogue is genuinely clever, though. But the hallucination of a younger leather jacketed Cage as an imaginary specter…

  • Megazone 23 II

    Megazone 23 II

    ★★★★

    “All I want is to live... and be happy.” - Shogo

    Now, that’s more like it! Heck yeah! Part 2 “kicks metal ass” in the parlance of this gritty sequel. 

    Feat. a biker gang called Trash, with members boasting names like Glam, Dump, and Guts The Suicide King. That’s what’s up. I live for this shit.

    Strong anti-authoritarian vibes emanating from every frame, as well as the philosophy that to be an adult means to be a money-grubbing liar.

    Everyone…

  • Megazone 23

    Megazone 23

    ★★★

    Pretty much watched this one solely due to its incredible title. Haha. :-P

    A grubby-looking, hand-drawn cartoon for those into anime marginalia.

    Feat. a crucial mishmash of eighties anime components, including a motorbike that transforms into a large mech; a secret government supercomputer that controls the operation of society; and lots of dancing in spandex bodysuits. There's a huge reveal that happens approximately halfway through that its characters keep repeating, as if - justifiably - nobody can believe it, but…

  • Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness

    Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness

    ★★

    Well, more like: the Morass of Monotony. 🤷🏻‍♂️ 

    In which: America must save itself (herself?).

    I've missed too many of these mainline Marvel movies and/or TV shows since whichever one I saw last to have any idea what the heck is going on. In that sense, I recognize that I'm not the target audience. But, what the heck, I genuinely enjoyed the first DOCTOR STRANGE movie without feeling hopelessly alienated from understanding the goings-on, so with little else better to do on a Thursday, I decided to see the Strangequel. If it's your thing, cool, man. It's not mine. Liked seeing Shuma-Gorath, tho!

  • Drag Me to Hell

    Drag Me to Hell

    ★★★★

    Be kind... or else! 🔥 

    Potentially problematic, yes, but manages to present its scenario with due consequences. 

    Suffers some tonal whiplash in terms of its characterization of its protagonist. Does she care or doesn’t she? The film cannot decide...

    I don’t think there is a funnier retort in all of film history than AL’s “No! It was my manager, Jim Jacks!” Honestly, I am STILL laughing about it. 

    I, too, would decide to almost immediately retire from acting if somebody’s…

  • Sweet Evil

    Sweet Evil

    ★★★

    Sad, Sexy, and Sociopathic

    Yet another one dollar flea market blind buy. 💸

    The multi-generational damage of child abuse.

    Bridgette “Virtual Obsession” Wilson shines as the - admittedly sympathetic - damaged bitch. 

    A live-in hostage situation. When the woman who has conned her way into your life, home, and acting as your nubile pregnancy surrogate brandishes your grandfather’s heirloom katana and threatens to cut off your head and/or kill your unborn child, that’s cinema, baby. Sadly, this movie slows to…

  • Hide

    Hide

    ★★½

    PSA: Never trust a man named “Scooter.”

    In which all adult men behave very childishly. 

    Featuring a cover of Imogen Heap’s “Hide and Seek” (ugh) by a band / artist called Fightstar.

    Borrows more than a little bit from the horror mainstays, incl. HALLOWEEN (the theme in particular) & BLACK CHRISTMAS (Killer POV).

    Imagine if SCREAM’s opening sequence lasted a full 80 minutes. Now you’ve got some idea of what this misguided, though not unwatchable, movie is like. I wouldn’t exactly recommend it, but I also wouldn’t say that I had a bad time. 🤷🏻‍♂️

  • Top Gun

    Top Gun

    ★★★½

    Rewatch with director, producer, and technical advisors commentary track.

  • Top Gun

    Top Gun

    ★★★½

    An absolutely true story (I swear): over the past weekend, on the sidewalk in East Hollywood, I bought a hat from a man that read: “BOTTOM GUN.” I don’t know the story behind it. Maybe it’s a perfectly normal and/or accepted way to refer to ace submarine commanders, but in specific relation to this movie, I haven’t yet stopped laughing about imagining the worst fighter pilot ever dejectedly wearing this while off in a corner sulking by himself, his own little bespoke dunce cap. A most amusing visual. ☺️

  • Blue Remains

    Blue Remains

    ★★★

    When land is lost...

    Gaga Corp’s very wet CGI follow-up to A.LI.CE.

    In which a giant floating brain tries to wipe out the human race by way of underwater drones.

    The world as we know it has been rendered inhospitable due to widespread nuclear war. Now it’s a... water world, you might say. 😉💧 

    A considerable qualitative improvement over Gaga’s previous effort, but surprisingly mild and even-keeled in spite of its component parts. Features a young girl who is humanity’s…

  • A.LI.CE

    A.LI.CE

    ★★★

    Paid all of a dollar for this at a local flea market.

    One of the earliest fully-CGI anime features to come out of Japan. Its age shows, but there's charm to what feels like a plot-light tech demo.

    Even with my interest in esoteric and marginal anime, I somehow doubt that this title would have ever crossed my path except by way of discovering it by happenstance while sifting through so much garbage used DVD detritus.

    I half-expected this to…