(sigh)

PROS
-Luke, Rey, and Kylo are all interesting as shit. I'm totally on board with their plotlines, even if Rey getting shafted from the narrative in the climax is a little disappointing. Still, the final showdown between Luke and Kylo is powerful as hell.
-The cinematography is stunning. That shot of Luke exiting the base at the end, walking across the red-stained battlefield, is straight up my favorite shot in all of Star Wars.
-Great direction and acting all around
-This is kind of a backhanded compliment but Snoke's death scene cracks me up
-Yoda's scene is really beautiful I love it (the puppet still looks weird tho)
-That R2 scene where he plays Leia's message is how you use nostalgia properly. So moving.
-The lightspeed ram slaps sorry not sorry

CONS
-My biggest issue with the movie is how embarrassing the First Order is. The jokes in TFA were very rarely at their expense, but the fact that this movie portrays Snoke, Hux, Phasma, etc. as absolute buffoons completely sucks out all of the tension. How do people take this movie seriously when that "Yo Mama" joke effectively butchers the tone five minutes in?
-The humor in general is legitimately awful, much like Phantom Menace. I think I laughed maybe twice, but that's about it.
-Poe and Holdo are both arrogant assholes and their plotline is asanine, yet the movie is firmly on Holdo's side for some reason? Rian, I don't think a white lady making a fool out of a Guatemalan man is as good of a look as you think it is.
-Rose is an adorable fangirl in her first scene, but she immediately loses all personality after that and becomes "action girl with nauseating dialogue." I dare you to defend the "saving what we love" line. I fucking dare you.
-Finn gets to repeat the exact same arc as he did in the last movie hooray
-The entire Canto Bight subplot is absurdly idiotic and a waste of everyone's time. Every time it cut back to Rey and Luke I just thought "Oh thank God, we're back to the REAL movie"
-Also Finn and Rose's stupid plan gets 90% of the Resistance killed and no one cares? No one is mad at them, and no one even mourns their dead comrades at the end?
-I don't have a problem with Space Leia in concept. In execution? Yiiiiiiiiikes. One of the most laughable visuals in the series and that's saying quite a lot
-Baffling editing choices. Why don't we see Luke's reaction to Han being dead? Why did they cut the only cool scene with Phasma in either of these movies?
-The throne room fight is fine? Not sure why everyone goes off like it's the greatest action scene ever. My problem is that it's completely pointless. Snoke is already dead; these guards should serve Kylo now. Instead, they attack and the fight just plays out like a less-interesting version of the Darth Maul fight in TPM. Blank-slate characters whose only attribute is "they look cool" fighting the heroes despite having no clear motivation.
-The ending scene was a great ad for Galaxy's Edge

I probably missed a few things cause there's a lot to hate about this movie. At the end of the day tho, it's still a Star Wars movie and I can find a lot to like about it. The good stuff is legitimately great and pretty worthwhile. But this is an awful sequel to Force Awakens that doesn't take the vast majority of its characters in interesting directions. It left me with no interest in seeing what happens next, which is a pretty bad sign.

Bottom line is, I don't care if you think it's the best or the worst Star Wars film. Just accept that it's a fucking movie and people are allowed to have their own opinions about its quality. Me personally? I really like 1/3 of this movie, but the other 2/3 is embarrassing, and I hope Rian Johnson sticks to making his own passion projects from now on instead of trying and failing to expand this franchise.