Favorite films

  • Magic Lizard
  • Mark Trade
  • Invocation of my Weirdo Neighbor
  • Jester's Rotunda

Recent activity

  • Queen of the Damned


  • Molester's Train: Dirty Behavior


  • Pleasure Masturbation: New Wife Version


  • Celluloid Nightmares


Pinned reviews

  • The Black Cat

    The Black Cat


    You should always trust the dreams you have during a psychic bubble witch movie set apocalypse. These colors don't run, except they do. Green scuzzfuck witch slime from mouth to mouth, open wide and eat my witch puke. Levana's murder set pieces in rainbow black darklight. Let me tell you about baby. Baby is perfectly sedate. baby knows it's fate. My baby is a witch boy. Actress, Model, Dancer - these are the desired occupations of a sleeping witch, of a third mother. And with more glowy maternal confusion, a trilogy is closed. Fuck the Mother of Tears. Cozzi got it a right.

  • Messiah of Evil

    Messiah of Evil


    Velvet Vampire goes Pop Shopping. Too drunk on red vodka cocktails to know it's a zombie movie. What's a zombie movie? figures in the landscape, where the beach is one endless oil painting and Dad's paint cool murals all over the beach house walls. This movie is made out of cinnabar and jade women who shop at supermarkets during the Anti-Christ apocalypse. Dawn of the Dead walking along the beach at night, holding hands with Jean Rollin.

Recent reviews

  • Queen of the Damned

    Queen of the Damned


    I think I understand now why Anne Rice movies never work. Interview has a quality because of Neil Jordan's visual style and casting choices and also, like moment in time. It's an aesthetic. It also meanders for seventeen hours and feels like you're watching the film at the same pace you would read the novel. The world that Anne Rice shaped is a place for young romantic goths to vibe in. The content and quality is questionable but if you…

  • Portrait in Crystal

    Portrait in Crystal


    ecstatic wuxia holograms chopped and screwed in a technicolor frenzy. Moves faaster than human comprehension. Whole scenes, chapters, the entire film passes through me but little to no threads are manageable. In hyperspeed ultraviolet crystal vision, you can only submit.

Popular reviews

  • I Know What You Did Last Summer

    I Know What You Did Last Summer


    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    I've seen this movie many times but not until this most recent viewing did I realize that Sarah Michelle Gellar is a beam of light, like a sunflower, an angel, a Precious Moment. A perfume counter girl with high-waisted denim shorts and cigarette affixed silver fingernails. Her chase scene is poetry in motion. The death of a beauty queen, tragic like an Opera. She runs and she runs. She breaks glass, she crawls out of a car window belly down,…

  • Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown

    Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown


    This was my introduction to Almodovar and is my forever favorite.

    When I first saw this film I would soon be entering the last echelon of my marriage. I didn't know it at the time but soon he would cheat, and I would catch him. I would have what I later realized was a nervous breakdown, and I would quit my job, digging us even deeper into poverty. I would lose forty pounds because I couldn't afford drugs or alcohol…