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  • Tusk

    Tusk

    ★½

    I’m not sure if I should give 5 stars or 2 because I am so fucking conflicted with this damn movie. In one hand, it did what it’s meant to do as a horror movie — scar me. On the other hand, it didn’t scar me in the way that it was intended to. I’ve been forced to watch this movie three times, and now I can’t even look at walruses. It was scary, it wasn’t even that disturbing, it was just so... ??? That I can no longer see walruses without thinking of the guy screaming, and for that, I’ll applaud it.

  • The Legend of Tarzan

    The Legend of Tarzan

    ★★★½

    We all know why anyone watched this... I see your thirsty ass, you can’t lie to me.

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  • Split

    Split

    ½

    INCREDIBLY MISLEADING MOVIE 

    Immediately after watching this, I messaged a friend of mine who actually has DID and was severely dissappointed that he, or any of the others, couldn’t instantly produce gains ™ and hulk out into an indestructible killing machine. Here I was, convinced by this incredibly realistic movie, that my dear friend could do something so magnificently inhuman and destroy any and all enemies I have. Darn.

  • Blue Is the Warmest Color

    Blue Is the Warmest Color

    ½

    Are you looking for almost 3 full hours of lesbian porn that looks like it was filmed by the snobby hipster “director” that you’ll meet at every indie art show you ever go to? Cause if that’s what you’re looking for, you will absolutely love this movie. More than 40 minutes ‘straight’ of trippy camera angles while they eat one another out as a sort of sensual, sort of elevator music-like, sound track plays over bored moans and aesthetic tangling…