senseiparks has written 14 reviews for films rated ★★½ .

  • Dogville

    Dogville

    ★★½

    STRESS RATING: 💥💥💥💥 ½ 
    Dogville is a truly miserable affair that does not hesitate in showing just how cruel humanity can be (worth looking up trigger warnings for this film just in case). It’s also a bit boring though so you won’t end up too stressed. 
    (The Stress Ratings List)

    Personal Rating: 5.5
    Minor spoilers ahead.
    I’ve been sitting on this film a few hours since I finished it and honestly... I think I’ve given up on Lars von Trier…

  • Ammonite

    Ammonite

    ★★½

    STRESS RATING: 🌀🌀🌀 ½ 
    Equal parts emotionally distressing and painfully boring. I don’t feel like writing any more here. 
    (The Stress Ratings List)

    Personal Rating: 5.5
    I remember seeing the announcement of this film trending on Twitter and getting so hyped about it. Saoirse Ronan and Kate Winslet in a lesbian period drama with fossils? “Sign me the fuck up,” I said, completely unaware of the fate that lied in store for my poor Portrait-of-a-Lady-on-Fire-loving soul. I don’t know why…

  • The Godfather: Part III

    The Godfather: Part III

    ★★½

    STRESS RATING: 🌀🌀🌀 ½ 
    It feels really odd giving this movie this stress rating considering how high the previous films rated, however The Godfather: Part III is just not nearly engaging enough to keep you at the edge of your seat for more than a few seconds.

    Personal Rating: 5
    Nearly fell asleep multiple times through this movie, and that’s not a thing that I usually ever have a problem with. This movie just drags your eyelids straight to the…

  • Men in Black II

    Men in Black II

    ★★½

    STRESS RATING: 🌀🌀🌀
    Exact same as it’s predecessor — average for an action-comedy.

    Personal Rating: 5
    A huge drop-off in quality compared the first Men in Black. Effects are worse, dialogue is worse, and damn does this plot suck ass at times. The original MiB concluded perfectly, so the fact this was even made was bad enough, but where they go with the franchise with this is just... eh. It’s obviously a pleasure to see Tommy Lee Jones and Will Smith together,…

  • Friday the 13th

    Friday the 13th

    ★★½

    STRESS RATING: 🌀🌀🌀 ½
    Scary? Not really. Boring? Unfortunately, kinda yes.

    Personal Rating: 5.5
    I think I’m getting tired of slashers, or at least, the type of slasher that is Friday the 13th isn’t really my cup of tea. Characters take second stage in this, with a more direct focus being placed on the mythos of the camp and the killer. However, even this feels pretty sidelined, because most of this movie is just teenagers getting killed in cool ways during scenes…

  • Hubie Halloween

    Hubie Halloween

    ★★½

    STRESS RATING: 🧸🧸
    Just good fun. Not calming in any way, but if you’re getting stress over an Adam Sandler plot, then maybe seek help. 

    Personal Rating: 5
    Hubie Halloween is a film that defies rating. So many aspects of its filmmaking are terrible, yet it still somehow manages to rise above its poor quality to actually be pretty entertaining? Like, half of my laughs were just out of Adam Sandler saying something like “Do you want some soup” rather…

  • Spiral

    Spiral

    ★★½

    STRESS RATING: 🌀🌀🌀 ½
    Wait.. are those... spirals in the stress rating... I can’t escape them... NOOOOOOoooooo ok I’m done with this gag. Much more gross than it is scary. 

    Personal Rating: 5
    I reread the Uzumaki manga before watching this and was happy to find that it was just as good as I remembered it. This film adaptation, however, is mediocre at best. It only really focuses on a few earlier chapters of the source material, while also baiting you…

  • Mission: Impossible II

    Mission: Impossible II

    ★★½

    STRESS RATING: 💥💥💥💥
    Though not nearly as intense as it’s predecessor, Mission: Impossible II definitely has enough action scenes to keep you on the edge of your seat. Are they of high quality? Well............

    Personal Rating: 5
    To be honest, I spent most of M:I-II’s last thirty minutes dealing with my sister’s waterlogged laptop, so my viewing experience of presumably the best part of the movie wasn’t the best. However, I don’t imagine any amount of attention would’ve excused the mediocrity that…

  • Human Nature

    Human Nature

    ★★½

    STRESS RATING: 🌀🌀🌀 ½
    Kind of a mess. None of the characters are very likable, and they make terrible decisions, so it’s pretty stressful in that regard I guess.

    Personal Rating: 5.5
    Unless you’re a huge Charlie Kaufman fan, you probably do not need to watch Human Nature. Every critique that gets thrown at the screenwriter is at absolute full force in this movie, and I can’t say the experience is all that pleasurable. The acting is great, and I…

  • Ghost in the Shell

    Ghost in the Shell

    ★★½

    STRESS RATING: 🌀🌀🌀 ½
    Moderately above average on stress, I guess. Good action but doesn’t have the emotional depth to go further. 

    Personal Rating: 5
    Literally exactly what you’d expect from a 2017 American adaptation of a classic manga series, in the sense that it is a letdown and makes a complete mess of the source material. The only things that make this movie good are presented even better in the original film adaptation, and all of the flaws of…

  • Into the Woods

    Into the Woods

    ★★½

    STRESS RATING: 🌀🌀🌀
    Loses all emotional impact thanks to poor reworking of its fantastic source material, but also gains stress for the same reason. So... average stress rating?

    Personal Rating: 5
    I’m gonna be spoiling the hell out of this, so be forewarned — I have a lot of shit to say. I mean really, who was this adaptation for? It couldn’t be for musical fans, as every single performer’s voice (even the decent ones) is slathered with an auto…

  • This Beautiful Fantastic

    This Beautiful Fantastic

    ★★½

    STRESS RATING: 🌸 ½
    If there's one thing I can say about this movie, it's that it's not very stressful at all. Reasonably cheery flick, and the characters aren't deep enough for you to really get too invested anyway.

    Personal Rating: 5
    Maybe more deserving of a 5.5, as this movie does have a fair bit of redeemable qualities. Love the outfits, the score is pretty good, and it's overall a visually pleasing film to watch — makes good use…