• Feeders

    Feeders

    The things I do for love

  • Hard Ticket to Hawaii

    Hard Ticket to Hawaii

    It's a hard ticket to Isla Nublar, I mean, Hawaii, after an RC helicopter carrying smuggled diamonds is intercepted by Playboy playmate secret agents who must hide them from a slew of useless henchmen with pantyhose masks, a bargain bin Bond villain, and a snake contaminated by toxic cancer-infested rats. Still with me? I don't blame you...

    This movie is the cream of the crop for 80s schlock that has just enough self-awareness to make a semi-cohesive film that is…

  • Halloween Kills

    Halloween Kills

    In 2018, David Gordon Green and Danny McBride brought back the groundbreaking slasher series with a direct sequel to the original that chose to waste its potential by repeating the same exact story beats, introducing uninteresting characters, and having some of the most hit you over the head referential dialogue. Though to its credit, John Carpenter returned with an amazing soundtrack and every plot point surrounding Laurie Strode, her granddaughter, and their fight against Michael was engaging.

    Unfortunately the idiotically…

  • The New Mutants

    The New Mutants

    I'm so tired of coming back to this abusive X-Wife of a series.

  • GetEven

    GetEven

    "We love you, Satan!"

  • True Romance

    True Romance

    This movie is the most 90s the 90s ever 90s.

  • Booksmart

    Booksmart

    ★★★★½

    We all need a Gigi in our lives. "Light 'em up, Louann!"

  • The Skeleton Twins

    The Skeleton Twins

    I wish Bill Hader would lip sync sing to me.

  • The Suicide Squad

    The Suicide Squad

    John Murphy (28 Days & 28 Weeks Later)
    Idris Elba (28 Weeks Later)
    Peter Capaldi (World War Z)
    Alice Braga (I Am Legend)
    The Jim Carroll Band (Dawn of the Dead)
    Michael Rooker (The Walking Dead)
    Nathan Fillion (Slither)

    Anyone else missing from the zombie movie reunion?

  • Old

    Old

    When did the kids learn how to fuck?

  • The Green Knight

    The Green Knight

    Checks all of the A24 boxes.

    Wide shots with a single person in the middle of them.

    Sex scene that makes you hate the idea of sex.

    Animals that may or may not have a mind of their own and evil.

    Compelling yet incredibly loud score.

    Characters overwhelmed by a single color.

    Ending that makes someone in the audience say, "Huh..."

    Ominous zoom in on a character giving a thematically appropriate speech.

    Absolute hatred for the human head.

  • Pig

    Pig

    ★★★★★

    "Nicholas Cage Refuses to Take a Shower" tells the simple tale of a man detached from the world whose truffle-finding pig becomes kidnapped and will do anything to get her back. Without any flash or extremity, this film sustains itself with Cage's subdued yet boiling under the skin performance and a story that explores the tremendous effects of grief, the vapid state of restaurant elitism, and the power of food. There isn't a single frame that is wasted to pad…