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  • American Mary

    American Mary

    ★★½

    you know the first thing i did when my grandmother died? you guessed it, i deleted her contact info from my phone.

  • I Do... Until I Don't

    I Do... Until I Don't

    ★★★

    going in i saw amber heard's name, my eyebrows started dancing up and down provocatively, as i thought, "well, this can only be so bad". cut to the opening credits, "oooh, directed by lake bell", i sensually oozed, the epitome of verbal pre-cum. next it's what feels like 3 hours later it's finally over and the only thought running through my head is how much paul reiser looks like my father...freaky stuff.

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  • Mad Max: Fury Road

    Mad Max: Fury Road

    ★★★★

    please consult a physician, for erections lasting longer than 6 hours.

  • Avengers: Age of Ultron

    Avengers: Age of Ultron

    ★★★★½

    hawkeye provided quite a few chuckles and the amount of elizabeth olsen cleavage was satisfactory.