Southland Tales

Southland Tales

Week 5 Of The Second Letterboxd Festival

I know it's not in the spirit of the Letterboxd Festival to not give a film a proper review, but I really don't see why I should! I wasted enough of my life on this nonsense. I don't see why I should dedicate what would probably be about another 7 hours to writing about everything that is wrong with this film, why it was never going to work and why Richard Kelly has, in one fell swoop, used up every bit of good faith he built up with me for the enthralling Donnie Darko.

I do want to point out a few things, though, because otherwise they will burn a hole in my head:-

1) Kelly says he wanted to cast people that he felt were typecast in roles that went against what they would normally do. Well, why do you think they are typecast, Richard? Why is that? Is it because, do you think, that Seann William Scott is only ever slightly convincing when he's playing a total juvenile moron in shitty gross-out comedies? Or because The Rock is an action star? Or because Sarah Michelle Gellar is....whatever she is supposed to be? There's a REASON why some people get typecast - and it's because they suck. Don't you dare put Miranda Richardson through this kind of shit again as well, or I WILL hunt you down. No matter how gorgeous you helped make her look. Damn.

2) I really liked the jacket The Rock was wearing when he finally reunites with Mandy Moore.

3) Sticking Wave Of Mutilation in halfway through didn't make me warm to the film at all. It made me colder towards my favourite Pixies song. Thanks a fucking billion, Kelly.

4) I wouldn't be surprised if Kelly had an 11 hour cut of this somewhere in his possession of this, because I think that's how long it would take for this film to make any semblance of sense and to come to anything resembling a satisfactory ending.

I could have watched Judgment Night tonight instead of this. Bollocks, I'm going to watch it anyway. You still suck, Jon Lovitz, by the way.

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